I want to come home to someone that is my soft place to fall, that helps me be the best person I can be rather than a different person.
I haven't updated anything in awhile, but I will so that Bruce can keep me on the straight and narrow.
I'll summarize by saying that my XW and I spent a fair amount of time Sunday together and went out on Tuesday night to celebrate my son's b-day. I had a very deep, pressuring, and pointless relationship talk with her. It was essentially expressing that I love her and want her in my life, but I was thankful for this whole separation and divorce because it gave me a chance to grow, really both of us to grow. She didn't push me away like previously, but she didn't return the sentiment either. So I guess you could say it was more a tolerance for my silliness.
So anyway, yesterday I told her that I couldn't do this anymore. I didn't want to see her anymore, at least not until I had her out of my heart. I said we didn't have the same goals in the R we do have and I just couldn't perpetuate this anymore. I told her I wasn't doing this out of anger but more out of self-preservation. I essentially said I needed a soft place to fall and that it wasn't something I was going to get from her. She cried and said she was sorry...but it was only out of guilt over hurting me.
I will miss her friendship, but I think that for my own sake I have to give up the ghost. I have no expectation that she'll suddenly come running back. It isn't about that. In all likelihood even the friendship is over. And I think that's how it has to be, at least until I don't want anything else from her. Perhaps I'll find over time that I don't even want that with her.
Me
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
Seriously, that is exactly where I am right now. You know, in a strange way, you and I had a very similar thing going on. We were both spending far too much time with our Xs and ending up in the cycle of disappointment and pursuit with identical results. I have expressed exactly what you have to your X in the past month and have been trying to keep a distance.
In some ways, as long as we were conducting business as usual with our Xs there was no need for them to embark on a path of personal growth (or destruction or whatever). THEY did'nt change and WE didn't change. Only the sitch had changed. It feels unnatural to let go and it is scary. But I thing that is necessary for all concerned.
Good luck. I will come back to post when I have reset my brain. I am not there yet.
I want be like Bruce....like Bruce...I want to be like Bruce....
UD
The 3 laws of DBing:
1. PMA is critical to DBing.
2. Since drop in WAW's PMA leads to drop in LBS's PMA and vice-versa detachment is critical.
3. Validate to raise WAW's PMA and GAL to raise LBS's.
I changed it late last week since 7344 accused me of always being negative I felt this name suited me better. You know we should always change when a woman suggests it to us. Would you prefer the old name?
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
Nice to see you Martha. You could try leaving some advice. Or do I already know it? And I'm not the only one changing my name, although yours certainly was not incognito before.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
Would you prefer the old name? 