Joe_negativity's updates:

[Just_Me]

I want to come home to someone that is my soft place to fall, that helps me be the best person I can be rather than a different person.

I haven't updated anything in awhile, but I will so that Bruce can keep me on the straight and narrow.

I'll summarize by saying that my XW and I spent a fair amount of time Sunday together and went out on Tuesday night to celebrate my son's b-day. I had a very deep, pressuring, and pointless relationship talk with her. It was essentially expressing that I love her and want her in my life, but I was thankful for this whole separation and divorce because it gave me a chance to grow, really both of us to grow. She didn't push me away like previously, but she didn't return the sentiment either. So I guess you could say it was more a tolerance for my silliness.

So anyway, yesterday I told her that I couldn't do this anymore. I didn't want to see her anymore, at least not until I had her out of my heart. I said we didn't have the same goals in the R we do have and I just couldn't perpetuate this anymore. I told her I wasn't doing this out of anger but more out of self-preservation. I essentially said I needed a soft place to fall and that it wasn't something I was going to get from her. She cried and said she was sorry...but it was only out of guilt over hurting me.

I will miss her friendship, but I think that for my own sake I have to give up the ghost. I have no expectation that she'll suddenly come running back. It isn't about that. In all likelihood even the friendship is over. And I think that's how it has to be, at least until I don't want anything else from her. Perhaps I'll find over time that I don't even want that with her.

Me