Quote: Oh, and then there was that time that I was sitting in her mom's family room, and she was telling her mom how she didn't like to be touched at night by me because it made her feel like she had to pee. Her mom said, "maybe it wasn't that you had to pee." She winked at us. I said, "oh, no, it wasn't that either." This fairly benign and somewhat humorous conversation occurred five years ago and it is still brought up today as a clear example of how I can be so mean.
Whatever.
HD, get a response to this and then whenever it is trotted out, plug in your new, well-thought out response.
Here are a few of my thoughts -
Exactly how were you supposed to feel sitting there like a chump while wife tells mom that she dislikes your touch and that it makes her want to pee?
If she didn't want personal info presented to mom, then she shouldn't have opened it up for review. Or are the "rules" that she can say anything about you, but any opinions you have of her are to remain forever unheard?
Were you mean because you let the cat out of the bag regarding your wife's refusal to have sex with you? Exactly what was "mean" about your response?
Were you not embarrassed by her discussing her distaste for your touch in public? Can you not reply to her "you're mean" by pointing out how shameful her actions were in public? That you were embarrassed for her when she said that? Would you say that keeping what she actually is and does a *secret* is important to her?
You need desperately to stop being controlled by her opinions. I learned a long time ago that the most disgruntled person controls the show, if everyone lets them.
I wonder if you look at your list "make love to my wife" and then look at her list "clean house, cook meals, get groceries, care for daughter, try to make her feel safe, accepting her anger when she's 3 sheets in the wind, stay in her budget, be more spiritual, learn to accept 'no', etc. "
You've got a short list, she's got one that's a mile long.
So, I wonder if she looks at the marriage and says to herself - Harry's getting everything he wants but sex, but look at all this stuff he needs to be doing to meet my expectations.
HD: sex HD's wife: all of the above and more
So, she's looking at it and thinking you've got it good.
