Quote: I'm basically at the point where I'm starting to believe myself that it won't make a difference if I tell her everything or not...but I'll be able to live with myself as an honest man.
I think this is the bottom line. Your way of reacting to her doesn't seem to have any effect on HER, but it's eroding your SELF-respect.
A friend of mine has this saying posted in her office, "What you tolerate, you teach." IOW you're training her that she can treat you with disrespect. I'm not talking about backing out of the Monday thing-- I'm talking about scolding you for the lunch. You're teaching her that when she gets angry at you, it keeps you in line.
I think the lesson for you here is that her anger will not kill you. She uses it to intimidate you and keep you in your place. But if she gets angry, all you have to do is walk away. Say "I will not be in the same room with you while you speak to me that way," and leave.
Standing up to her anger will not be pleasant in the moment, but you will feel sooooo much better about yourself. AND you will be teaching her something new because of your refusal to be scolded and browbeaten.
What-- truly-- do you have to lose that you haven't already lost? I think you have nothing to lose and everything to gain by standing up to her and refusing to be treated like a naughty child.
I think you have nothing to lose and everything to gain by standing up to her and refusing to be treated like a naughty child. 
