You see, your basic Hairdog is when you say to the spouse, in a calm, non-fight scenario, "I will not stay in a sex-less marriage forever." I did that, and although it had the benefit of getting us into counseling, W and MC suggested I back off from that because it was triggering abandonment issues in W's mind.
It seems that you are in general abiding by your W's wishes and trying do avoid triggering abandonment issues. However,
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I really don't think it will come to that, but I'm prepared to change my way of living, if necessary, for awhile. I'd consider moving to the basement. Not being as available for family stuff. Separate (if any) vacations.
This would certainly trigger abandonment issues. Why not take that option off the table? Tell her, "Honey, I love you and I am with you for the long haul. You'd better get used to me being around, because I'm not going anywhere."
I think we should go back to being 18. I work in a school, and I am reminded every day that 18-year-old guys will do anything to get into a girl. They don't just hint at their intentions, they are physical. The way I look at it, if I don't get nookie from my W, it's because I wasn't loving enough at the right times. Think of it like playing a slot machine. You won't know when it's ready to pay out unless you play and play often.
