Sometimes I just don't feel like rocking the boat at home, and I know how she reacts to criticism, so I just don't bring things up. Then, they either come out in a fight, or in front of the MC. Believe me, I am doing a lot better on this front than I used to, blackfoot. Stopping the "doormat" treatment and being able to identify it easily has helped me immensely.
Sometimes I just don't feel like rocking the boat at home, and I know how she reacts to criticism, so I just don't bring things up.
I can relate this and if your wife is anything like mine, then she knows this fact and capitalizes on it. Although my wife denies she does this, I think she has used this very tactic as a control mechanism for years. But I grew more and more frustrated that I was always the one backing down, biting my tongue and letting her have the rule of the nest. Breaking her out of this pattern has been very hard. My standing up to her has been the source of many of our arguments. There is a lot to this issue.
But she, for some reason, doesn't think I'll ever be satisfied, so "why even try?" That's a mantra she needs to change. Because the "trying" is what will keep me with her, through thick and thin. The trying is definitely the important part. What I don't understand is why is why is it such hard work for them. I know my wife will do a million things everyday, most of which to me look like CHORES and yet she seems to ENJOY doing these things, while being sexual is like pulling teeth. Heck, I think my wife enjoys moping the floor more then any kind of physical encounter, be it sexual/affectionate/ or romantic. It's like these Acts of Service people get really hot for MORE acts of service, thye sure as heck never get hot for physical touch.
To me, the answer to this is partly explained by the love addict/avoider or codependent pursuer/avoider theory, at least for my sitch. Have you looked into this?
I can see myself and the wife fitting into many of the categories. Question: What is the definition of a sex addict? Is a person who wants sex everyday a sex addict?
I don't think a HD who is not getting any will fit into the definition. If you're HD and you're not getting any, you want it all the time. You can't even know what your real ideal frequency is when you're constantly starved. As I said before, if you're starving, you always want food. If you have a regular supply of food, you probably won't want it all the time.
I was only speculating about a sex addict theory regarding HP, and it was off base. But further down that thread there is a little more discussion about it. I agree with Zbube that wanting it all the time as in your case (and sometimes mine) is not the definition of an addict. Focus on the “Love Addict” (not sex addict) and “Love Avoider” dynamic.
I joined the hairdog club this morning and it wasn't even my idea. Combine that with an appointment for MC a week from Monday, things may be looking up on the home front here in Baltimore.
Gone the carvings and those who left their mark. Gone the kings and queens, now only the rats hold sway.
