This is good stuff. I see a LOT of your sitch in mine. My wife is also a perfectionist, and I think she knows she's failing at the wife thing. Only difference with me is, instead of lashing out at me, she just detaches and pulls away even further, but I do think it's a defense mechanism. They feel the distance with us, and intead of working at it, they either ATTACK or DETACH.
I do think your C needs to see some glimpses of your wife's anger. It's a MAJOR issue in your relationship, and it's just not coming across in the counseling sessions.
