CeMar shoots . . . he scores! Excellent analysis, my sometimes-difficult friend. 1. My W is a perfectionist, and she knows she is failing at a task (wife-ness). 2. In order to succeed, she has to know without a doubt that, if she fails, I'll stick with her. 3. In a previous incarnation, she failed at a task (daughter-ness) and her father left her emotionally, and physically. 4. Being a daughter and being a wife are two major roles of a woman (along with mother, cook, supermodel, goddess, heavy equipment operator, and girl-Friday). 5. As a perfectionist, she does not want to face failure and abandonment again, so, yes, she'll make me the bad guy.
Although none of this comes as any lightning bolt of revelation, it's nice to see it pop up again.
Unfortunately, I refuse to continue to cow-tow and tell her I'll put up with all of the sh*t she can dish out indefinitely, and will never leave.
One little point of contention, CeMar. She knows full well what it will take to "be a good wife" for me. I've told her many times. ML with me.
But she, for some reason, doesn't think I'll ever be satisfied, so "why even try?" That's a mantra she needs to change. Because the "trying" is what will keep me with her, through thick and thin.
As for Lillie and cobra and maximizing and minimizing, I'm still trying to digest that. I, too, got the roles mixed up. W maximizes at home, and minimizes in the MC office. I, to some extent, do the opposite. Because I feel "safer" in front of the MC, I say things that don't get brought up at home.
