By feel safe, my best guess is she wants to feel secure, to know that she is accepted for who she is. She wants unconditional love. She probably sees you as threating to herself. She KNOWS that she is not the kind of wife that you want, and she probably feels deep down that you could easily leave her. So she knows that she is not a good wife for you, she has no clue as to how to change that, she has demons in her closet to face, and "security" in her life is a long way off. Therefore, she must turn this around and make YOU the bad guy. In a way, I guess she is afriad to enter her own crucibal.
Just my 2 cents, I see this happening in my own wife.
