“What would it be like if you provoked her into a hysterical screaming hissy fit in the C's office?”
That’s a great idea Lillieperl. Both W and I have fallen into this in counseling. She started off screaming her head off about all the abuse she says she was taking, Once I got my voice and threw down the gauntlet, I started screaming. It brought out my anger, but also made her confront her inappropriateness.
The counselor spoke of minimizers and maximizers. Maximizers are vocal and demonstrative in their efforts to have control. They often resort to violence or other types of intimidation. The minimizer tries to keep a cool exterior and appropriate appearance, letting the maximizer appear as the nut case to everyone. This is very covert manipulation, turning other’s opinions against the spouse. But the minimizer can be the one with more issues since s/he “stuffs” things. Minimizers are more difficult to crack open since they are often in denial of their actions, hiding behind a curtain of propriety. BTW, these classifications are not the same as introvert/extrovert.
