That's what DBing is about, essentially I think. Your ego and your needs must be put aside. You must not have needs of your own, but must meet your mates needs...until the point where they are committed again. Ahhh.. this is definately where I go wrong. Putting H's needs before mine was what brought him back home. I guess the concept is if we start meeting their needs, they'll want to meet ours. H wants to meet my needs.. he's shown me that. It seems so insane that we could divorce, reconcile into a wonderful life together and then end up here again. I've wracked my brain over this, wondering if it really wasnt that wonderful and I was in denial. But for me, it truly was. Unfortunately, I think H was stuffing a lot of feelings from the divorce and while I was moving on, healing and thriving in our new R.. he was on a slow simmer.

And I think it takes a long time for people like us who have always been committed to a healthy R to make the decision to move on and stop trying. Even when we make the decision once, we remake it. I think it sometimes takes many pre-decisions to get to the final decision. Actually, there probably isn't a final decision. Because, as we know, our lives are in a constant state of transition. Nothing is forever. I like this! It makes sense out of a process that is full of confusion. I call it waffling.. but your right. I make and re-make the decision. Looking at it that way makes it reasonable. Who would make a decision like this without leaving room for hope and closing each door in the R gradually until only the exit is left. I think I'll try to mentally picture that and see if it helps. The way I've been thinking.. it's like we're tearing apart our life. That's not a good mental picture.. I'd much rather think of us gently closing a door and moving forward.

Love the rambling optimist! Thanks for the supportive thoughts.. they help!

Sheila