You have to balance what's best for you and your family. How is anyone but you to know where that balance is? I don't think it's ever as simple as "you have to take care of you first" or "you have to sacrafice for the family."
Quote: I also thought about how angry it makes me that the expectation is there from others that I'll keep working on this no matter what. It's like I don't have a right to my life.. I'm expected to stay in this unhealthy R because H is in it, the kids are in it and since they want to keep it.. I must follow through no matter the cost to me.
Not that it matters what my expectations are...but I expect that you (and everyone else in a similar sitch) who has any serious drive to live a happy life would eventually come to the place where they can no longer subordinate themselves to the fight for the R.
That's what DBing is about, essentially I think. Your ego and your needs must be put aside. You must not have needs of your own, but must meet your mates needs...until the point where they are committed again. The DR book doesn't talk a lot about that point where the WAS has recommitted. What if they've only recommitted in words or in their mear presence. What if they refuse to take responsibility for 100% of their 50% of the R. How long do you go on sacraficing your needs? I know GAL is in there. But, GAL and taking care of yourself may begin to conflict with H's needs. Then what?
And I think it takes a long time for people like us who have always been committed to a healthy R to make the decision to move on and stop trying. Even when we make the decision once, we remake it. I think it sometimes takes many pre-decisions to get to the final decision. Actually, there probably isn't a final decision. Because, as we know, our lives are in a constant state of transition. Nothing is forever.
That's enough rambling for now. Just wanted to send supportive thougts your way. You can rest assured that what ever "decisions" you make will not be foolish or made with lack of thought.
