Okay, book recommendation number one (though I've made it before): see if you can find him a copy of _Wild at Heart_. Though now that I think of it, perhaps you already have. Yes, you've recommended this book before. I gave H the title, but haven't seen him with a copy. I could find it, but I'm not going to. We have the marriage builder books the we were "committed" to reading together and he fizzled out about week two. He has a Mighty Men book (very short) that the MC gave him to study.. no luck. A quick read through and a "I need to be doing this stuff" comment. He has to be searching for answers before he finds them, right? If he looks, he'll find them. If I give it to him, it's just another item on the list, another demand, another expectation he can't meet right now and info he isn't likely to process or apply. Thanks for the recommendation.. it gives me hope that there are men out there who actually read for knowledge and don't think they were born with everything they need to accept their pre-destined fate.
When Things Fall Apart_ and _The Places That Scare You: A Guide to Fearlessness in Difficult Times_ These, I'll look for. They sound very interesting and I've just finished my latest crime thriller.
What we're talking about is getting to know fear, becoming familiar with fear, looking it right in the eyes -- not as a way to solve problems, but as a complete undoing of old ways of seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting, and thinking. The truth is that when we really begin to do this, we're going to be continually humbled. Not as a way of solving problems....hmmmm... hmmmm... hmmmm. I gotta read this book. Because (and I appreciate the comment/complement you wrote) I do have a major problem with being able to face the fears, obstacles and be understanding how I contribute, but not reaching a point of solution. I certainly didnt realize that letting there be room for the not knowing.. allowing the limbo to be just limbo is important. Is this where I'll find that peace I'm looking for. And see.. look at the last sentence.. there's a solution there in my thinking... wanting to be assured that getting through the not knowing will lead to peace. I guess it actually could lead to a lot of things, couldnt it and I have no way of knowing what that'll be!
the off-center, in-between state is an ideal situation, a situation in which we don't get caught and we can open our hearts and minds beyond limit. It's a very tender, nonaggressive, open-ended state of affairs. Gawd.. how did you find this book? Exactly what I'm afraid of, but know I have to embrace. And the words even speak to me.. tender, nonagressive. They are two things I've been thinking about lately.. how to express that and live that. Tender, quiet, gracious... it's who I am inside and what I try to protect. Real strength isnt the anger and control that tries to keep that from being damaged. Strength is putting those parts of me out there and trusting that I have the inner strength to maintain that in my life through understanding and compassion vs. anger, revenge and hatred. It's my response to the world that matters most and should define me, not the world's response to me that I respond to defensively, changing who I am without even giving it much thought. Because, aren't those defensive changes justified? The world handed me sh*t.. who would expect me to make anything else out of it? Dang.. not sure if I've had enough coffee to think about this!
To stay with that shakiness -- to stay with a broken heart, with a rumbling stomach, with the feeling of hopelessness and wanting to get revenge -- that is the path of true awakening. Sticking with that uncertainty, getting the knack of relaxing in the midst of chaos, learning not to panic -- this is the spiritual path. Getting the knack of catching ourselves, of gently and compassionately catching ourselves, is the path of the warrior. We catch ourselves one zillion times as once again, whether we like it or not, we harden into resentment, bitterness, righteous indignation -- harden in any way, even into a sense of relief, a sense of inspiration. Not sure what I think of this in it's entirety. There are parts that I understand, but some of it... not sure. Is it saying we should accept, with an open heart, the truth of our life and catch ourself with compassion rather than letting ourselves become bitter, etc as a form of protection that isnt really protection because those truths continue to come whether we think we're adequately "armored" or not?
During the times in my M when I thought I didn't have to worry about W leaving, was I in limbo? I didn't think so, but it turns out I was. How many people on these boards who are DB'ing like champions just want their M's back like they were instead of this limbo of working on a M their partner is rejecting? But those M's back then were in limbo, too. The difference is now the limbo is obvious, real and true. And isn't it better to live in the truth? This is dead on what I posted before about being secure. And then realizing that the security was a myth all along because we're never secure.. it just helps us to be less afraid to believe in that. So, do we live in fear because we know we have no guarantees.. or do we live in freedom because we need no guarantees? I choose.. umm... gawd is is it possible that I've just been told that this sitch doesnt have to create FEAR.. it can creat an entirely new reaction to not knowing? Fear kinda.. but more exhilarating than that because looking to the future becomes a step in the journey.. not a destination that we're tied to whether we can accept it or not?
More coffee..and personal growth. I bet that short book is not as short as it looks!
