Hey Bud I'm always glad to see your words of wisdom here. Any idea how I can move from being a crutch to being a person in H's eyes?

until he believes the only path to an R with you is to pull himself up to where you are. How is this accomplished?

And though you vacillate a little bit in your posts, you always end up back where you're centered, and you know what you have to do. Gosh, I wish this were true. I am centered, but not sure what to do. If I distance it brings out the pursuit. If I don't, it maintains the status quo and I have a hard time being open and detached without getting caught in the drama. How can I detach without sending a signal that I'm detaching? I need to allow him space to figure out his problems, yet not send him into a panic that focuses him on our R right now.

Have a lot to think about. Maybe I act as if everything is OK, dont initiate R talks EVER (have been doing good at that lately), stay busy with the kids and family stuff. Is this where being a teflon rock comes in? Be open and available, but not pursue the R at all and see if he figures out what's missing and how to get there from here?

I'm going to stick to my goals I set, but something is missing. He's very pursuing today because he wants me to say that everything is going to be fine and that I agree he doesn't have "problems" right now. That we're making progress etc. Does that mean I need to validate what he's saying and let him have his interpretation of our R without disagreeing with it right now?

Thanks Bud!

Sheila