Thank you USSwede. We do need to come up with solutions that are mutually beneficial. We don't trust each other much at this point and it is SO hard. We've both changed but often fail to recognize the changes in each other. And, I definately fight the blame game, and quite often lose the battle... so, it's easy to see how H would try to cover his tracks to not deal with the blame. Then I get upset because I havent been mad or blaming and he fails to see it and is acting as if I AM mad or upset. It's reasonable. We haven't ML much in the last couple of months and in the past, I'd have been either vocal about it, or smoldering on the inside.

He's was home for a few mins, but has went out for awhile. No mention of the convos or anything.. wheww. If he brings it up again, I'm going to thank him for reassuring me of his desire and reassure him that I haven't been upset and understand he's been sick. If he doesn't, I'm just gonna act as if and be happy and affectionate as usual.. AS IF we've been making love the whole while and are close as can be! And, since he's clearly withdrawn in response to the last couple of days (no hugs or kisses when he came in from work ), I'll give him a big hug when he gets back and tell him I love him.

H responds so positively to the as if technique. I wish I wouldnt forget that so easily and start trying to figure out what to do when we hit a bump in the road! I don't know why I didnt see that he's been trying to reassure me that he wants me and trying to escape blame for something I'd have been upset about in the past. I guess I figure if I know I havent been upset, he should see that too! On my end it's been like dealing with a huge contradiction. Here's a man who says he wants to ML, yet isnt initiating it, says he feels too under the weather to ML, yet is accusing me of being the reason we aren't!

Thank God for the people on this BB who can help sort out the tangled web we've weaved!