I haven't been on for the last week but I just caught up on your posts today. I'm very much in the same place as you. I had one of my world famous, overly speculative and overly generalized but ALWAYS ineffective conversations about sharing and trust with my H this very morning. Needless to say he got very confused and anxious and angry and then I got angry and hurt and blah, blah, blah...
I'm sure you can totally picure the scenario. Point being is I still don't trust our R and I am not jumping back in until we do get to a point where we have begun to address some of these issues.
I realized this morning that I'm still very much having difficulty articulating my fears so that I am able to move beyond them and ask for my H's help to address them in our R. Although, I did totally see the trigger in this particular episode. OW issues. I saw something on his computer that I thought was possibly related to her. Granted I don't have absolute proof but it was enough for me to run with it.
Point being is that trust is really hard to define. Simply saying that you don't trust someone isn't enough. In my case, I really need to examine why I am so caught up on one or two issues that seem to define trust in my R.
Both my DB counselor and my therapist have said to me, "so what if H was friends with OW for the rest of his life? He comes home to you every night, his life is committed to you, etc... You are the woman in his life, not she."
I guess what I am trying to say is I know how hard it is to trust someone whose track record in that department is less than exemplary but there is a lot more to it than the one or more instances where the trust has been broken. It's the can't see the forest for the trees kind of sitch.
I'm glad to hear that you are making a renewed commitment to working on R. I'll keep checking in on your progress but from what I have read so far it's sounding really good!
