I guess that is OK. For me sounds, breathing, touches are all feedback signals. They let me know what is working or not working. How many people actually ask for or tell their partner what they want or feels good. What works one day, might not work the next.
I am not quiet but not overly loud. I would suspect most women ( longterm partner situation) would know my mental and excitement state. Of course I can get worked up just being with BB when she does little.
I think HD men need LD women to show more physical clues, emotion, and ??? We don't want to ask if we are doing it right. Just speeking from my situation so I really don't know if my post applies to most HDH/LDW situations.
I know when the kids were at home and in the next room, BB and I had to be quiet. I suspect that is also the situation in your house for now.
Anyway, for me, making noises makes it better. I don't have to hold my emotions is so much. I make faces too BTW.
Quote: Wish I could say the same for my bed!
So, your bed gets excited? Just joking.
We had one of those squeeky beds and I was explaining to the landlod, 70 year old male(first apartment furnished) what I did to fix it. He just grinned and said OK. I was just letting him know I modified his furniture a little.
My wife has very intense and pleasurable orgasams, sometimes I even get her twice. But she also says if she never had sex again she would be ok with that. She NEVER goes looking for sex, EVER. I have gone for months without initiating and NOTHING, she does not desire sex. So how can you have such pleasure and yet NEVER go looking for it?
Cemar, from what I can piece together on your story, your wife was always? or often? the initiator in your earlier sexual relationship. She stopped initiating after your first child was born. I would guess that your wife's desire/arousal mechanism changed after pregnancy. She no longer had the desire first and she stopped initiating. So, the dynamics totally changed and you've not been able to get the sexual relationship established again. Certainly not at the pre-pregnancy status. Since that time there has continued to be an ongoing disconnect in your relationship to the point where she has told you that she doesn't like kissing you.
If she doesn't have "hunger" then the double-fudge brownies aren't going to be calling to her, in the same way that having little/no sexual hunger results in no pursuit of sex. People who aren't hungry aren't going to be pondering the brownies, but if someone brings them in on a plate with whip cream and starts spoon feeding it to them, they can enjoy the brownie.
But the lack of hunger continues to be there. So, no pursuit of sex.
Quote:
Even worse, is why do the LD spouses not want to give pleasure to their HD spouse? The whole purpose of sex is to GIVE love not necessarily receive it. The whole perspective that my LD wife has on sex is completely illogical to me. To intentionally NOT give your spouse pleasure just makes no sense!
The better question is why does *your* spouse not want to reciprocate to you? Discussing LD spouses as a group doesn't help you figure out how you can change your kissing technique so that your wife isn't turned off by it any more. (Did you ever ask her to show you how she prefers to be kissed?)Or why your wife finds it acceptible to recieve oral from you while refusing to reciprocate.
Have you ever asked her? Has it ever been a topic of conversation? Or argument?
The whole purpose of sex to *you* might be to give and not receive. Although I don't believe that for a minute, or you would be content giving your wife mulitiple orgasms orally while you get jack in return. Which is what you have currently, and you don't strike me as being very happy about the situation.
Your wife doesn't think and feel the same way you do about sex. That's a fact. I don't think and feel the same way about sex as NOP does. The good thing is that I don't have to in order for us to have a satisfying sex life.
Have you ever told her of the turmoil you deal with daily? You told us that she told you that she doesn't like the way you kiss. What did *you* say in return?
The following comment is probably apropos of nothing, but this comment of Mrs. NOP's made me think of it:
Quote: If she doesn't have "hunger" then the double-fudge brownies aren't going to be calling to her, in the same way that having little/no sexual hunger results in no pursuit of sex. People who aren't hungry aren't going to be pondering the brownies, but if someone brings them in on a plate with whip cream and starts spoon feeding it to them, they can enjoy the brownie.
I've been struggling with my blood sugar recently and low-carbing rather furiously, but in my Real Life, I never met a Krispy Kreme I didn't like.
One of the diet/nutrition books I was reading recently told an anecdote about someone bring a box of homemade something-or-other into the office, and one of the slender people on the staff looked at the treats and said, "Wow! Those brownies (or whatever) REALLY look good! I wish I was hungry so I could eat one!"
Hmmm... I don't know about sex... but in the realm of food, if someone brought in a scrumptious-looking plate of brownies, whether I was hungry or not, I would at least taste one. This attitude, alas, has been my downfall in the realm of food.
But I wonder if it can carry over to sex... I wonder if a person might say, yes, the last time I had those brownies, they really tasted good, but because I'm not hungry right now, it makes no sense and does not even sound too appealing to even taste one?
Quote: I've been struggling with my blood sugar recently and low-carbing rather furiously, but in my Real Life, I never met a Krispy Kreme I didn't like.
Lil, Please take care of yourself. The blood sugar level is nothing to ignore. I am glad you are working at keeping it under control. I know you are knowledgable enough not to have me say any more. I just wanted to say something because reading about blood sugar problems made the hair stand up on my neck.
If it helps you any, I have only eaten one Krispy Kreme. A friend took me and said "I bet you can't eat just one." That was 6 months ago. They (only one) were good but I can't aford the calories.
I will confess anything with cheese in it is my downfall, so I am not IRL all Mr. Healthy Food all of the time.
I'm with you on the doughnuts. Somehow I have been able to associate doughnuts with the crappy feeling I get after eating them, so I rarely partake of that form of indulgence.
Getting back to the subject of O's. Once recently I suugested that my W and I get intimate, and her answer was, "You don't need me for that." She's right, I don't need her for an O, but of course I do need her for intimacy. Why do I need intimacy with her? Why doesn't a solo O suffice? Because of my need to give. Now, am I fretting over something she does not want to get from me? Perhaps. I don't know if she has O's with me, but I know she responds and I know she likes it at the time. How do I know? Because if she were faking she would do a more convincing job.
Quote: Somehow I have been able to associate doughnuts with the crappy feeling I get after eating them
I don't have too many problems with really sweet or oil/grease laden foods. I wish that carried over to things like pasta and potatoes.
Quote: "You don't need me for that."
Technally, you don't need her for much else either, but it is more soothing to have her involved with you. Sex is sex, but LM requires the other person to be there in body and spirit. The giving and getting makes it so much better. Being/acting sexy myself hakes the encounter so much better. Can't act sexy when no one else is watching or reacting with me. (technically I can act w/o someone else there, but it's not much fun).
When will some women see/understand that and go along with the program?
I bought some "AstroGlide" personal lubricant at WalMart, hoping to use it with BB. She was resistant, so after a week to 10 days, I used it by myself. Not bad but not the real thing. It helped me get through a couple "my don't give a dam just busted" attitude.
Quote: I know she responds and I know she likes it at the time. How do I know? Because if she were faking she would do a more convincing job.
Sounds logical but don't count on it. Some people are good actors.
I read one woman's post on another forum, where she said she likes sex but not with her H. I have seen several TV programs where women say the have (about 100% at some time in their life) faked/acted the way they thought their partner expected to act at the time so they did not dissapoint the guy. Most of the women said sometimes the feelings for them don't take hold.
What I liked hearing from the women on the TV program was O's are wounderfull but just being together and being able to give and get love was very good. Ith EC was about or more important than the O.
One of BB women friends said her H and she thought, men in general, would not know if the woman was faking or real. She also said her H and most men would not know if a woman is having a "A" if she just took care of the H and family like she normally does and is a gooooooood actor. She said the guilt factor would be the difficult thing to supress. (SAHM and H traveled most of the week)
Her point also included, most men work too much or have outside activities and tend to not pick up on the W's moods.
Anyway, acting or not, I really like some feedback in bed. ML is so individual and can vary over time. We get a pay check as feedback for working, grades for school/college work, thank-you's for cards or presents we give, why not some feedback when ML?
Just joking. 
