Cobra said Let her call the EMS and resolve it on her own in the hospital. Lou said Cobra, I would not let things go that far. I would do more than this for someone I never met, if the need ever arose.
Yeah, that example was a little extreme, and things should not get to a level where health is affected. Sorry for that one.
Cobra said I don’t think you should call her at all on the trip Lou said I think that would cause more problems than it would solve. Would it be fair if the shoe were on the other foot? Where is the "minimum level of civility line" drawn? I think this is what Lil or someone posted as having standards you set for yourself as a minimum for your own self respect or ways to avoid making things worse.
Generally I agree with you and others on this principal. But we are dealing with a different deck of cards than many others. My wife has no hesitation in breaching the minimum level of civility line. In my opinion she should have a minimum amount of respect toward me. The fact that she doesn’t means she controls the disputes. If I never cross the line, then she will always “win.” If it never bothers her that she does this, then what does that say about the level of civility? How do you deal with this, other than leave?
HP said On one hand, it IS her money too.. Lou replied If I went along with BB's ideas from way back when and spent the money in our retirement fund we would not have 70% of it.
I agree that community property money is 50/50 owned by both partners, but where I have a problem (and I think some other men do to) is when that pot of money gets totally spent by the W. It becomes unfair when I put all the money in the pot and she takes it all out. If she would only take her 50%, I’d feel better about it.
The "womens issues C said …..
Is there a man’s issue counselor around?
No control works fine but the more that happens, the more BB's shopping becomes out of controll.
I recall sometimes when I complained about all the discretionary spending my wife did, she would turn it around and complain that much of the credit card debt was due to my spending, such as repair the drivetrain, or A/C on her car (not that this was discretionary, with her screaming about driving a hot car in the Texas summer). But anything she could use to justify her spending was good enough for her.
You said earlier Two types of kids, negative attention is better than neglect or if I don't get my way, you pay. Is youe W a "you pay" type? Yes, I think my W is a “you pay” type. Do you think BB spends not just due to addiction, but also to pile up things to counteract your pile of stuff in a “you pay” type of retaliation?
You also wondered once if BB was ADD. Does she (and maybe you) have a little obsessive/compulsive (label, I know…) in you too? If she doesn’t have enough to keep her busy, then fixating on the TV with ADD and OCD could be trouble. Her inability to operate the minor technical things is indicative to me of ADD. My wife has this problem too and it mainly comes from a lack of patience and focus to learn how to operate the darn thing. But then she starts putting herself done because she can’t get something to work at a critical moment. She take Focalin now and it seems to help her a lot, not just in focusing better, but on the secondary self esteem effects too. Maybe something like this, combined with her background issues, is more the root of her problem, and it manifests as a shopping addiction?
Could she take up some type of hobby or activity out of the home, to distract her away from the TV, get more exercise and purpose in her life, and help her feel a little younger? Do you think she is a little depressed too?
