Quote: What's the setup now? She contributes more? less?
Lou 100%: Heat, electricity, 2 phone lines, 2 cell phones, realestate taxes, house payments in the past-no more payments, going out to eat, satalite TV, newspaper, previous car purchases
Lou75%/BB25% general groceries, house maintenance supplies and remodeling costs, car repairs, insurance and gas,
50/50: income taxes, speciality groceries,
BB 100%: pet supplies/food, vet care, BB's clothing and personal care, QVC/LL Bean/DanburyMint/other shopping sites, kitchen gadgets, DVD/CD's, any car from here on,
Quote: it isn't uncommon for women to think that the man's income should go to the household
The "womens issues C said the man should provide the basic support for the woman and the woman needed to buy her own extras. I think it is also our basic mentality from childhood examples we both lived with in the neighborhood.
Quote: I think you've been impacted in a similar way as folks who went through the Depression.
Eventhough the depression was over by WWII, for my family it did not end until I went to work for a couple of years (1962). Then in 1981 I had my first back injury and finances were tight for a year. Again in 1986 I had more work related, back injuries and this caused financial problems until 1994.
Throughout this time, we lived on what came in. Our retirement money was not that much but really started to increase due to stock market trends in the 90's and the mutual fund we were in was one of the top 5. We finally got lucky.
Quote: Do you feel some resentment toward your wife that she has not only had it easier,
NO resentment here.
Quote: get some whiffs of resentment from you, not just on her spending habits, but on her familial background
My resentments stem from her attitude of being short changed as a kid some how. Her family went on vacations to natural parks, the ocean, and the like. But it was not disneyland or something like it, so she was not happy. She got ride aches and her folks never went that far in a day. Basically, compared to me, she had it easy but acts like she had it hard. It's the fact she does not see what she had was normal or a little above the average is what bothers me. I wish she would see she had so much compared to some people.Can I say I have trouble with people who always look at what they don't have.
I guess, because she did not have what the richest kids had, she feels short changed. BB still wonders why we can't live like some of the neighbors that have jobs that pay twice what we earn sometimes.
Quote: Is it more than disagreement on her excessive shopping and throw it away actions? Are you concerned that your retirement is going to disappear through her fingers?
her excessive shopping and throw it away actions are the main problems. I am tough enough to take charge the finances if they get into trouble because of her excessive spending. I would do a legal seperation in a heart beat but that would totally offend BB. She has said she would rebell and has done some rebelling just because someone pushed her. It's theold "the more you push/ask, the less she will co-operate.
Quote: I'm guessing that the control you keep attempting to exert is also impacting the relationship in a negative way from her viewpoint.
No control works fine but the more that happens, the more BB's shopping becomes out of controll.
Quote: I also think that you need to examine how your past may be impacting your present in a negative way
Often I try to give myself a Dr.Phill therapy question in this area. What is reasonable, what is a minimum amount, when does something become excessive, when is more just more or at what point is more overload.
Quote: because I really think you need to get out of the position of being the arbiter of spending.
That is what the womens issues C said. The more I let BB do what she wants, what I consider wasting money and spending because the money is there but the item is not a need, but a style want, where style changes for the sake of style change to create demand, the less invested I am in the R. as HP pointed out, you're dealing with core value issues. this right on the money.
If you ever saw the 1987 movie Tin Men and grew to dislike the theme of the manipulation the siding industry portrayed in the movie, that is something like the way I see some highly advertised (60% to 80% of the cost of the product is advertising expences) things BB buys. Add that to the fact that we already have something similar and in good condition, that is how I feel sometimes.
Sometimes I think if we lived on the north slope of Alaska and there were ice all around, BB would buy an ice maker for the cressent shaped cubes if refrigerators were advertised that way. It's just how I feel at the moment. Scale this comment down and it might be reality.
Quote: Being frugal is an admirable thing, but it can be taken to extremes. Do you think you are extreme in this regard?
On a spending scale I might rank at 25% and BB around 65%/75% (based on similar incomes). I can get things to work, BB is having trouble flushing our new toilets, working the TV remote, some of her kitchen appliances, etc. The "check engine" light came on in her car, which I took care of-it was a very minor fault that got stored in the car's computer memory, and that is what upped her interest in a new car.
Thanks for posting Mrs. Nop. Customers in a bind. Fix then up or lose them so I have to go.
