Quote: Until recently she contributed some of her income and spent most of it on herself. One MC we went to said that is how it should be. I did not know it at the time but the C was a "womans issues C".
What's the setup now? She contributes more? less? I read on Harley's site that it isn't uncommon for women to think that the man's income should go to the household and whatever money she earns is "hers". Although it may not be uncommon, I still find it a questionable attitude.
Lou, you were forced at a very early age into responsibility that was more than a child should have to bear. I think you've been impacted in a similar way as folks who went through the Depression. Do you feel some resentment toward your wife that she has not only had it easier, but she gets a whopping inheritance from her family, a family from which she was estranged? From what you wrote, I get some whiffs of resentment from you, not just on her spending habits, but on her familial background.
What is your fear in this? Is it more than disagreement on her excessive shopping and throw it away actions? Are you concerned that your retirement is going to disappear through her fingers?
No flames from me, as HP pointed out, you're dealing with core value issues. I just think you need to winnow through what you are feeling and thinking in regards to this issue. Determine what your bottom line is. I also think you need to take steps to protect your portion of retirement/finances, because I really think you need to get out of the position of being the arbiter of spending. That doesn't mean that you can't tell your wife that her excessive spending is impacting the relationship in a negative way. I'm guessing that the control you keep attempting to exert is also impacting the relationship in a negative way from her viewpoint. And resentment tends to be detectable, so she's probably not unaware that you have some issues in regards to her having it easier than you because of family. I do recognize the need to protect your finances as much as possible for your future needs during retirement. I also think that you need to examine how your past may be impacting your present in a negative way. Being frugal is an admirable thing, but it can be taken to extremes. Do you think you are extreme in this regard?
