Quote: We got home and I said to BB, "you seem distant."
I would advise against this sort of comment. I think this lets her know she "got" to you. I would vote for either ignoring her distancing, OR taking some kind of action WITH NO COMMENT, such as, walking up to her and giving her a quick hug, kiss, arm/shoulder squeeze or something. Don't talk about what you're doing. Be less verbal and more action-oriented/physical. Pretend she's from another country and doesn't speak a word of English (not too far from the truth when it comes to R stuff )
As for the car shopping... that is a dilemma. I would say go ahead a look at cars, but make it clear you will not buy. Don't budge on this and don't discuss or give reasons (she knows the reasons) or try to change her mind or point of view. Don't reason with her. This may be her clumsy way of trying to "engage" you. Be firm and strong and don't try to control her-- just refuse to buy the car.
I suspect (and certainly could be wrong) that the back and forth banter where she tries to convince you to buy a car and you give her a zillion long-winded reasons why you don't want to, etc., is quite emotionally stimulating to her. I think this is how she gets her emotional goodies from you-- by kicking off one of these "discussions" that aren't really discussions. That's why I'm suggesting you lovingly BE there for her but do not reward or engage her attempts to get into a debate on that subject (or any other subject, for that matter).
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