Quote: So, Lou, assuming that you don't live in squalor and that you adequately fill BB's "love tank" I think that gets you up to baseline "good, postive feelings" not sexual feelings
We don't live in squalor, she is baseline good minus the sexual desire. Add shopping oriented.
Here is another example of differences. BB talks about wants that seem silly to me (new 4 door pick-up because it looks cool or a Hummer H3. To counter her I said a new car would be nice, lets look for a used 1960 Falcon 1960 Falcon Dealer Brochure ) We seem to be in two different places. She frequently talks about wanting this or that and me trying to keep up what we already have.
Quote: I think that BB doesn't understand the sexual side of herself.
I Agree. Some of her friends complain about their H's in a generic way, the W's have to check with the H's first on medium and large purchases (normal to me). BB believes if a woman earns money, she should be able to spend w/o checking with the H. Similar beliefs if the W wants pets, just get them.
Quote: She seems to see sex as marital currency. So, to her, it is how you get extras...Does it seem like that at all to you?
BTDT, you are right. If she wants something bad enough or made a big mistake , I used to get sex. Since her TV shopping channel and shoes/purse shopping is down, so is sex.
Quote: I keep feeling like BB just isn't in touch with her sexual self so sex has taken on other meanings in her life e.g. chore, marital currency etc...
She delieves the myth that women don't like sex once they are past a certain age and she is normal. You HDW's are nymphos and need to take a cold shower. Maybe over stated but YKWIM.
How about adding she can't have those feelings because she has none of those hormones, women over a certain age are not built for sex / dried up so to speek, most guys my age have ED, it's all natures plan after all, sex is for making babies and we are too old to raise more kids. More dogs and cats are OK though.
Quote: What that might buy is BB's willingness to go to therapy not her willingness to get serious about your SL. What do think?
BB worked in the mental health field for 15 years and thinks therapy is mostly a waste of time. She saw meds change people, but talking is not productive most of the time. She has her ideas and said she knows what she wants and what is right in most situations. BB is picky about many things and I am OK with variety most of the time. She has to have many conditions met before she will do things and I can do things and work out some of the details as I go.
Ten years ago we went to therapy but did not make much progress. The therapist she liked seems to lean towards were womens issues oriented and one asked why we were married. One guy I went to alone was asking me what I want but said he had little way of getting BB to want the same thing, so be in it (C) for my PMA.
