Doing the Right Thing 2

[OG_Lou]

RE Lil and BF

Anything wrong with asayint "you might miss me more than the problems with the house and inventory should something cause me not to come back?" (Open discussion type of thing)....Yes there is something wrong with it. Dont do it. First, its not assured, confidant, its questioning.

Situation:
Company gone so I moved my things out of her room to my room. BB asked why. I said I was protecting myself from more rejection and little physical affection while being in the same room. That it is easier not to ask any more than get turned down 99% of the time.

I brought up the question before you guys posted. I did it as a follow up to one of BB statements at the time and tried to sneak it in under her radar like Lil suggested. BB did say missing me would be a bigger problem for her than my left behind inventory and cars.

She said she does love me but my things just frustrate her so much she can't show the love. She said I am doing the wrong things by spending time reading books, reading relationship articles, and posting on the interner. It was kind of like a ILU but these things cause me to be angry/distant.

I said i tried to love her but was rejected so often, there is little if any love in me for her now. I said I was not trying to be mean or spiteful, just trying to protect myself.

I listed the things I did for her but BB said they were things I needed to do anyway and then she listed the things she still needs. I said that is just it. I don't get credit for what I do and you bring up what you still want me to do for you. From MPOV, doing the right things to make you happy is going to be very difficult, and the way you list the right things, I got them done in the wrong order. (other things said but they follow in a similar path. All trying to make my point that me doing is not going to get me very close to what I want, there will still be reasons ((medical-emotional-timing) she can't do them.)

Because I said, I ran out of love for her and it was not my intention to be mean, I asked if she needed anything. She said a hug and to hold her while she tried to sleep. I got in bed with her and held her and she kissed me. BB later offered sex but I was so drained/hurt/frustrated I declined. End saturday evening.

Sunday we went out with friends and got home about 8PM. I fell asleep on the sofa around 9 and BB went to bed around 10. I joined her an hour later but that did not work out so I went to my room. I was keeping her awake by turning over in bed several times (my back went out a little and I was trying to get comfortable), the dogs were cat chasing, and BB had the radio on.

This AM things are "polite company" like.

"Mary Lou, clean your room." ... she'll just keep throwing out these little mini-grenades that explode in your path, distracting you from the point you are trying to make.

Lil, this description is so good. You must have been a fly on the wall at one time in a past life, or do they call it experience / BTDT?

When she tried to take the conversation off in another distracting direction, you acknowledged her and then repeated the main idea you were trying to get across in simple terms. I'm just asking you to stick with that, but now to minimize the repeating. Just make the statement once or twice and don't get into a "discussion."

Lil, I think I made my point. I steered clear or avoided trying to offer fixes to BB problems and stayed on as few points as possible. Mainly I was drained and did not want to continue on like this.

. Another test might be how do you react if my car breaks down and I have to call you to come and get me?

First time OK but the second time would be something like "you better........."

RE Blackfoot, really good and I agree I don't devise games. Real life is difficult enough.

Man hungry, want eat. Man horny, want nookie. Man work hard all day, want sit on couch, hand in pants.

BF, did you hear men read books now. Yes, a little up grade to the male species. I saw it on a GEICO auto insurance commercial.

First, its not assured, confidant, its questioning. At worst it could be female filtered to supplicating, looking for validation that you will be missed and are needed.

I see your point BF. I have the bigest problem imagining what it sounded like going through the "female filter" and more importantly "BB's filter"

Maybe my saving grace was to get her to admit my value to her and get away from the "things are a problem" statements.

Another part of the question was, Why does she have to borrow trouble? Why am I going to die in a firey expressway crash 10 miles from my sisters house? I am a careful type person, why assume the worst.

Was she afraid I was hooking up with my 6 grade crush? After all, BB is the one that said "She did not have to worry about me leaving her, I am too cheap, un kempt, etc, that no one would want me". Hurt at the time but now it's laughable. And there was the couple of times I went to lunch with a mechanic I worked next to back in 1985. He moved back to town and now he and I were gay lovers?

The drama all fits in some where but it changes so I try to understand what I can, What is my part. What is her part. What is impulse. What is venting. What is not worth worring about.

Re Lil

My point was that the ordinary bumps and ridges of everyday life naturally create events that give each partner the challenge and opportunity to react graciously and compassionately like a grownup or withdraw in a pout like a cranky toddler.

Good attitude to have Lil. I think I had something like this in mind when I titled my thread, filter out the garbage and do the right thing.

You're such a good man, Lou. I think that if you did wind up on your own, you would have to beat women off with a stick.

Thanks for the compliment Lil. IRL, no OW right now but it might feel good if I had someone fight over me or just some good attention . It sure would be different.

At one time, I was wondering what part of my MO would be causing some of our R problems so I found a web site that supposedly matched personality compatability traits. They said I was matched perfectly with 5% of their female testers and another 30+% were potential matches. The test on the site said I needed to stay away from big spenders, eye candy seekers, and women that had to make an impression on the people she interacts with. I like tests but need to be able to follow up on some of them to see how I can get closer to the correct answers.

Lou