Last night's rain check did not get used. I just could not get into feeling love for BB and the T that I had was not doing anything for me.

BB said something about me showing up for sex but stated some reasonable conditions. I said she was right but I was not feeling much like being sexual. I said I feel like I am a buyer on the crude oil market.

I know production costs are below $10 in good oil fields but I have been paying $30 to $50 a barrel for crude. Now the price is over $65. I am kind of fedup with the way things are and have decided I need to walk more. That she can keep her $65 crude and hang on to it until she sees it is worth less, then maybe I will be interested.

Aside:
This thought was playing in my mind for over a day. I hope I got some of my feelings across. I did not intend for it to inflict pain or be mean. BB did not say anything after this crude oil analogy so I don't have her side of what she thought. She was quieter so I know it did affect her.

I told BB, mondays turn down was still difficult to deal with and the electricity being off and me making it comfortable for us and the pets was another thing I saw as "not good enough for her" way of thinking.

I went to bed with her and layed there for 2 hours quietly. I had enough so went to sleep in the other room till 6AM and came back to BB's room.

This AM I got BB's mini-list of what she thinks needs to be done around the house but am ignoring it somewhat. I know what I can do. I know what has to be done. I know if I do some of the things on her list and don't get some of the things on my list done I won't feel right and they will be "you should have" items on BB's next list.

I am seeing she has compulsive and some panic thoughts that are part of her makeup. I don't want to totally ignore them, but they are unreasonable and I can't fix her or everything she thinks is wrong with our R or house. The part where she borrows trouble and that I see it as borrowed trouble, sometimes I tell her what I see (borrowing trouble) and say I am not buying in to her imagined problems. (Example,electricity off for 10 hours, ice cubes still frozen but BB is talking about spoiled frozen food and lunch meats in the freezer. Some nut on TV said to throw everything out if the power has been off for more than 6 hours. If I don't post here ever again don't blame BB. I am eating ice cream sandwitches from our freezer. They never melted but the nut from the TV station said they might be contaminated, to him )

Nothing was said this AM. BB won't bring up anything so I guess it's a stale mate for now. I want to work through some of the things, but right now, I feel like honeypot did over a month ago. Time for a R talk break.

Lou