Last night's rain check did not get used. I just could not get into feeling love for BB and the T that I had was not doing anything for me.
BB said something about me showing up for sex but stated some reasonable conditions. I said she was right but I was not feeling much like being sexual. I said I feel like I am a buyer on the crude oil market.
I know production costs are below $10 in good oil fields but I have been paying $30 to $50 a barrel for crude. Now the price is over $65. I am kind of fedup with the way things are and have decided I need to walk more. That she can keep her $65 crude and hang on to it until she sees it is worth less, then maybe I will be interested.
Aside: This thought was playing in my mind for over a day. I hope I got some of my feelings across. I did not intend for it to inflict pain or be mean. BB did not say anything after this crude oil analogy so I don't have her side of what she thought. She was quieter so I know it did affect her.
I told BB, mondays turn down was still difficult to deal with and the electricity being off and me making it comfortable for us and the pets was another thing I saw as "not good enough for her" way of thinking.
I went to bed with her and layed there for 2 hours quietly. I had enough so went to sleep in the other room till 6AM and came back to BB's room.
This AM I got BB's mini-list of what she thinks needs to be done around the house but am ignoring it somewhat. I know what I can do. I know what has to be done. I know if I do some of the things on her list and don't get some of the things on my list done I won't feel right and they will be "you should have" items on BB's next list.
I am seeing she has compulsive and some panic thoughts that are part of her makeup. I don't want to totally ignore them, but they are unreasonable and I can't fix her or everything she thinks is wrong with our R or house. The part where she borrows trouble and that I see it as borrowed trouble, sometimes I tell her what I see (borrowing trouble) and say I am not buying in to her imagined problems. (Example,electricity off for 10 hours, ice cubes still frozen but BB is talking about spoiled frozen food and lunch meats in the freezer. Some nut on TV said to throw everything out if the power has been off for more than 6 hours. If I don't post here ever again don't blame BB. I am eating ice cream sandwitches from our freezer. They never melted but the nut from the TV station said they might be contaminated, to him )
Nothing was said this AM. BB won't bring up anything so I guess it's a stale mate for now. I want to work through some of the things, but right now, I feel like honeypot did over a month ago. Time for a R talk break.
Gee Lou, Hope you survive the contaminated ice cream sandwiches. Who knows - if they do you in you won't need to worry about living in a SSM. Tee hee!! Just a little Friday levity.
Sorry things are not going so well for you. Is it not about time for you to go on that vacation you talked about awhile back? Might as well take a break from all the pressure not just the R talks.
So what IRL things do you have planned for the weekend?
The ice cream issue is funny. Most people try to avoid throwing out things from there freezer if they are only a little defrosted. And here BB and TV guy are saying every thing needs to go after 6 hours.
Hope your weekend goes well. Do something fun for a change. The repairs and the work will be there monday! Exspecially if you don't do them on sat and sun
Quote: Most people try to avoid throwing out things from there freezer if they are only a little defrosted.
Just what I do.
Some people defrost a turkey for 3 or 4 days in the frig, then cook it. works tor turkeys, should work for peas, dont'ya think.
Quote: And here BB and TV guy are saying every thing needs to go after 6 hours
Sounded like a "Hospital policy" maker to me, so to BB it was a "normal" warning. The hospital people take the worst case situation and apply it across the board. That is one reason I grew to dislike some of the hospital policies.
Not work on the weekend? You want to start WWIII? No, I have to get some things done. Looking at them is getting to be about as much strain as working on them.
Quote: When you said that she gave you a list of things to do, my first thought was "BB, take your stinkin list and shove it up your ......."!!!!
Jill, the list I was refering to was my general plan of things I plan to do. Her list consisted mostly of what she thought needed to be done first. I did not buy in to BB's list and have gone by what "I" think should be done first.
I posted the crude oil scene and wondered if I came on too strong/mean with the analogy. I said it not to "be" mean but to tell BB that she wants too much sometimes.
I guess it did some good. It has been "What do you want to do" kind of afternoon.
I want to be strong without being demanding or pushy.
Quote: Thanks for your thoughts on my thread.
Your post was a sad one. I feel for you even though at one time you said some of those things were "only things" but the hope and expetations you had at onetime are gone too. BTDT to a lesser degree.
Quote: Today was a good day.
Good to hear that Jill. Might be looking up for me too.
Lou, Part of my disappointment re: dream house is that I could've afforded to stay in it, I think. I didn't give it much consideration because it's a very large house for one person and it has 25 acres and a lot of yardwork that would have been difficult for me to keep up with and I wouldn't have been able to afford to hire it done.
I really don't miss my XH one iota and it only takes a couple of minutes talking to him to make me realize that I'm better off with the peace of mind I have now. As for the "stuff".....it can be replaced. I didn't expect to be divorced two years before I could retire but the good news is that my retirement is very good and he and I worked out a deal where I don't have to give him half of it. He has no retirement so in the long run, I'll be better off.
As for what happened to my son, it was a very long time ago but occasionally it still knocks me down emotionally. I did not want more children after he died. I was shocked to find out I was pregnant with D 10 years after he died. My kids would be 16 years apart!!!! She was a mistake, but definitely the best one I ever made!!!
And, no......I don't think you came across too harsh with BB. I really do think that she respects you for it when you finally draw the line. Women want "strong" men (most of the time). We want to know you guys can take care of us. If you let "us" boss you around, it causes us to wonder if you are strong enough to count on when there is a crisis or will we have to get you through that too.
to him )
