I'll admit that I come from a very different approach on this.
My FOO includes an alcoholic, disabled and when drunk, physically abusive father and a mother given toward the occasional coping mechanism of emotional withdrawal and nervous breakdowns. I was saddled with the responsibility of cooking, cleaning and childcare for younger siblings at an age so young that I had to stand on a chair to reach the sink and the stove.
I recognize that I have been affected by this. So, I work toward counteracting the negative aspects. I don't see how confronting my mom would undo what has been done or forward my growth on working through the issues that are a result of my FOO. And dad is long gone.
I guess I see myself as responsible for working out whatever issues dog me into adulthood. I can do my damndest to break whatever cycle was in effect - heaven only knows what my parents had grown up in. In fact, I know some of the stuff they did deal with, so rather than coming from a place of "I need to let them know how bad they screwed me up" I actually have quite a bit of sympathy for them.
I try to recognize the weaknesses and tender spots that are a result of my upbringing, but I don't use them as a way to justify the choices I make today.
Is it really necessary to have some sort of cathartic interaction with parents (especially the ones who have changed) in order for us to move forward with *our* lives?
