"Have you ever confronted your dad about your past abuse?"
I have thought long and hard about it, and here's the problem. He is a changed man now. Granted he still has a lot of quirks (he's big into conspiracy theories), but we have a cordial if distant relationship. And I can see in how he reacts to people that he now fully realizes what an a$$ he was back then. About 10 years ago a light bulb went off in his head that he would be alone, isolated from his kids and grandkids if he didn't change.
So now I am stuck with the conundrum of how do I attack someone who is trying to find peace in the last few years of his life, even if he isn't dealing with the past issues. You are right, pretty much the only way I could vent my past hurts would be an all-out attack. He doesn't scare me anymore, the way he used to growing up, I have passed that hurdle. When I got more educated than him, I started winning arguments (he emotionally abused us as well by really talking us down at times), and haven't looked back.
Maybe you are right, I should just get it all out and then start trying to heal. The problem is that it is a huge ogre in my closet, and I don't want to open that door. I'll bet that if the psychiatrist I am going to see is any good, she might request a joint session with my parents (I've heard of that happening). Maybe that could provide a controlled environment for the outburst.
Thanks Cobra.
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
