Have you ever confronted your dad about your past abuse? You are not child now and I doubt you have much to fear from him anymore. Long ago while in college, I had a pretty bad argument with my dad, venting all my past anger. It helped to clear the air and I feel we are on a good standing now. The important this is that he realized how mad I was for what he did. And he now knew what I knew. And he now feels very sorry for it. There is really nothing more that needed to be done for me. I consider the past hurts a closed issue.
I suspect that telling your dad off, letting out every ounce of anger and emotion, getting in his face and cursing him for every wrong he did to you and your siblings, and not letting him off with any excuses will do more good for you than years of self esteem counseling.
Overnight it could make you feel more empowered about yourself, you may be able to get past feeling sorry for yourself, and your wife might see you in a new light. Of course this does depend on how you think your dad will react. It could make things worse for you, but with you being an adult now, I have a hard time seeing how there could be any more damage to you than has already been done. Just a new twist to think about.
