Professor Gas, or do you prefer Doctor Rarified Gas?

globule,

would you do me a favor and bold, or quote or color other peoples comments in your reply's? It would really cut down on the read time for me. Selfish I know.


I told her how hot she looked. She said nothing. So I got a little miffed and said "nothing to say, eh?" She said, "well you do it all the time so ..." I got a little more miffed and responded "well I won't do it anymore then." She responded, "yes you will" and kept on putting on makeup. There was no joking or playful tone in her voice, just matter-of-factness (if you know what I mean). I definitely felt a little used,

ok, cut way back on the PT and the comments, and dont take her matter of factness personally.
She could be in disbelief because of how she feels about herself, and or because of thougts of OW and general trust in you. She does have them, she is not indifferent she is incredibly withdrawn, because of pain.

Here is what I would have done. Walk up behind her grab her, look in mirror, say 'damn I look good. Think that stuff is gonna help you keep up?' laugh, smack on the ass walk away. Ok. you grabbed her -she said it was predictable, you got miffed. Dont get miffed. Say 'yes I do, and its gonna get worse' pick her up, again, spin her around. walk away. Dont do it again untill she comes to you. Make it ridiculous that she doesnt want you to touch her, let her know you dont believe her, and laugh at yourself and her about it. <Shaking you> Stop being serious, and taking it personal. < I hardly ever look up at people, but damn your big> you got more miffed failed test twice in less then 2 minutes flat. Thats ok. Please keep posting these encounters and convos, I can help you reframe them. You will get better and better when you see it works and have a 'A-HA!' moment.

Another way to look at it. You cannot see her advances, her attempts if you always make them. If you do make a comment on her looks, dont expect a response. Ferrero Rocher is yummy, but if I eat them like M&Ms, they soon those their specialness. Everyone here has made a comment that they had to drop the rope to make progress.

You dont chase a cat around trying to pet it, you sit on the couch ignore it and wait for it to come to you. Women are like cats. They may groom a lot, but the are persnickity and smell funny. LOL

I will not be made a fool of
make a fool of yourself then, and be confidant about it. Its much more effective.


She looked away and said "I don't know why you think so, my hair is all messed up, no makeup, feeling tired." I just stared at her till she trailed off. When our eyes met again, I smiled at her, then left the room. Better, or still needs some work?

perfect. She loved it, hence the fishing and wanting to know why you think so. I see a crack in her armor. Speaking of which there was another one when she asked if you still have contact with OW.
You wife is a four demensional puzzle that you have barely begun to explore. If you figure it out you will be rewarded tremendously.


I have this sinking suspicious that if I do back off of the affection, IT WON'T BOTHER HER ONE BIT
only one way to find out. Drop the rope. Focus on you, focus on being a awesome dad and attractive man, she will be forced to do something different(what- who knows) then she is. Remember when you detached and were working alot, 10 11 months ago?, tending to other things, the balance shifted. Allow it to again.

I know what Blackfoot says is that I should act like she really does want me

Actually I said believe it, deep down in yourself to get you thru the rough patches. If you believe it, you will act like it, and temper some of those negative loops. If you believe it you will have no problem, fear, hesitation saying come over here, and pulling her into your lap once in awhile, like you did. She will wonder who this new guy is and love it.

But when I have to stop to do something, they go ballistic. Needless to say, all of the cancellations and the twins acting up has made this weekend pretty sorry

Your W was looking up info on how to discipline? get a grip on the twins I believe you said. This looks to me to be a great opportunity to show your FATHER side. Work with her on this, take the lead, use it to get closer to her. I can almost hear her thinking, I wish this was important to Globule.?.? What do you think?

There are many facets of your wifes personality that you can explore, open up to her, talk about them, not about your R, or your needs- yet. Explore her and her mom side.