Lockout King

[honeypot]

Chrissy,
Yep that was the inspiration for the pumpkin ravioli..too much uneatean squash laying around.

Well, firstly, they were a pain in the arse to make. Make dough, plop the filling down, lay another sheet on top, carve em into ravioli, boil em, make a sauce to go on top. And then it tasted like crap, lol.
That was back before we had children obviously. These days you won't find me making too many ambitious meals, although I did cook all day yesterday for H. I make his breakfast and lunches and put them in the freezer so he can eat 3 hot, homemade meals every day. Men are such simple creatures (compared to women). Hot meals and a warm bed. LOL

[blackfoot]

Well since we are all in the same 'room' so to speak now, I am going to kick some ass.

First a joke.

I dont get the M&M fantasy LFL,(weird typo the F is a long way from the &) I like chocolate but prefer syrup. And then you and IHJ are 'sharing' them. HMM.

Back to the ass kicking.

I am going to do it by quoting you two, and then let it drop. There is much to talk about to help you glob here in this thread and much I want to pull over into yours LFL, to talk about.

You can have feelings for someone that are beyond "friendly" even though their was never any sexual contact. That's why love, passion, EC is about the MIND not the body.

It was intense R, some people would say nothing more than a friendship since you never crossed the line but I think we know that is bs."
It is BS. It was more than a friendship, it was a form of unfaithfulness to my wife.

Are you saying we are impulsive, don't think things through enough, do what feels good at the time, listen to depressing music when already depressed, get involved with other people while in a mess of a M

Alot of personal info was shared, WOA, and affirmations.
That is a slippery slope when dealing with the Opposite sex
and we are lucky that Michele has provided a annonymous BB, that is still public, where we can completely open up and yet protect ourself, or have others point it out, so we can make 'friends', get help, and still try to tow that line. Truth be told I thought more about everyone here on this board this weekend then my IRL friends. Baltoman, arjnex, hairdog, I thought more about you guys then my X.

Im done, judgement pronounced and delivered.

[honeypot]

Arj,
Pumpkin butter is SO easy to make. Last year, I made a big batch and canned it so I would have a bunch to last me throughout the winter. You could get huge brownie points with W if you made a batch.

You can google the recipe or I will dig mine out if you want.
I think last year it was Maple Pumpkin Butter or something like that. yumyumyum

Honeypot, a punkin freak myself

[arjnex]

honeypot: Maple pumpkin butter?!?!? That might be the only thing that my wife would like more than regular ol' pumpkin butter...she has relatives in New England, and she loves maple syrup, maple sugar candy, maple...anything, really.

If you have the recipe, please, pass it along! I'm not much of a kitchen artiste myself, but I'll make the attempt if I can do it without anything exploding. It might win me some brownie points that can later be redeemed for valuable prizes, if you know what I mean.

- "A"

[Greeneyedlass]

Heck if nothing else perhaps you can get her to lick it off of you

GEL

[arjnex]

Heck if nothing else perhaps you can get her to lick it off of you

That's kind of...well...advanced, Greeneyedlass. At our present rate of progress, we should be ready for those kind of activities...um...lemme think...in approximately 2008.

I'll settle for her being able to spread it on toast and think nice thoughts about me while she eats it.

- "A"

[blackfoot]

Professor Gas, or do you prefer Doctor Rarified Gas?

globule,

would you do me a favor and bold, or quote or color other peoples comments in your reply's? It would really cut down on the read time for me. Selfish I know.


I told her how hot she looked. She said nothing. So I got a little miffed and said "nothing to say, eh?" She said, "well you do it all the time so ..." I got a little more miffed and responded "well I won't do it anymore then." She responded, "yes you will" and kept on putting on makeup. There was no joking or playful tone in her voice, just matter-of-factness (if you know what I mean). I definitely felt a little used,

ok, cut way back on the PT and the comments, and dont take her matter of factness personally.
She could be in disbelief because of how she feels about herself, and or because of thougts of OW and general trust in you. She does have them, she is not indifferent she is incredibly withdrawn, because of pain.

Here is what I would have done. Walk up behind her grab her, look in mirror, say 'damn I look good. Think that stuff is gonna help you keep up?' laugh, smack on the ass walk away. Ok. you grabbed her -she said it was predictable, you got miffed. Dont get miffed. Say 'yes I do, and its gonna get worse' pick her up, again, spin her around. walk away. Dont do it again untill she comes to you. Make it ridiculous that she doesnt want you to touch her, let her know you dont believe her, and laugh at yourself and her about it. <Shaking you> Stop being serious, and taking it personal. < I hardly ever look up at people, but damn your big> you got more miffed failed test twice in less then 2 minutes flat. Thats ok. Please keep posting these encounters and convos, I can help you reframe them. You will get better and better when you see it works and have a 'A-HA!' moment.

Another way to look at it. You cannot see her advances, her attempts if you always make them. If you do make a comment on her looks, dont expect a response. Ferrero Rocher is yummy, but if I eat them like M&Ms, they soon those their specialness. Everyone here has made a comment that they had to drop the rope to make progress.

You dont chase a cat around trying to pet it, you sit on the couch ignore it and wait for it to come to you. Women are like cats. They may groom a lot, but the are persnickity and smell funny. LOL

I will not be made a fool of
make a fool of yourself then, and be confidant about it. Its much more effective.


She looked away and said "I don't know why you think so, my hair is all messed up, no makeup, feeling tired." I just stared at her till she trailed off. When our eyes met again, I smiled at her, then left the room. Better, or still needs some work?

perfect. She loved it, hence the fishing and wanting to know why you think so. I see a crack in her armor. Speaking of which there was another one when she asked if you still have contact with OW.
You wife is a four demensional puzzle that you have barely begun to explore. If you figure it out you will be rewarded tremendously.


I have this sinking suspicious that if I do back off of the affection, IT WON'T BOTHER HER ONE BIT
only one way to find out. Drop the rope. Focus on you, focus on being a awesome dad and attractive man, she will be forced to do something different(what- who knows) then she is. Remember when you detached and were working alot, 10 11 months ago?, tending to other things, the balance shifted. Allow it to again.

I know what Blackfoot says is that I should act like she really does want me

Actually I said believe it, deep down in yourself to get you thru the rough patches. If you believe it, you will act like it, and temper some of those negative loops. If you believe it you will have no problem, fear, hesitation saying come over here, and pulling her into your lap once in awhile, like you did. She will wonder who this new guy is and love it.

But when I have to stop to do something, they go ballistic. Needless to say, all of the cancellations and the twins acting up has made this weekend pretty sorry

Your W was looking up info on how to discipline? get a grip on the twins I believe you said. This looks to me to be a great opportunity to show your FATHER side. Work with her on this, take the lead, use it to get closer to her. I can almost hear her thinking, I wish this was important to Globule.?.? What do you think?

There are many facets of your wifes personality that you can explore, open up to her, talk about them, not about your R, or your needs- yet. Explore her and her mom side.

[Chrissy]

HP,

You have totally convinced me that pumpkin ravioli is way to much work!

Hmmm I had a plan I told them at work I was gonna buy a case of it peel off the lables make new ones saying "From Chrissy's Kitchen" and send it to everyone for Christmas. Making them think I had become really domestic and slaved away at there presents. But now that HP said it was easy to make I don't think that will work lol!

Men are such simple creatures (compared to women). Hot meals and a warm bed. LOL

Thats two of my H's favorites!

[chromosphere]

I just got back in town a while ago and read quickly through the threads here. Somehow, it got off on pumpkin recipes. I do love pumpkin bread by the way.

Blackfoot, thanks for the detailed analysis of my encounters. I'll definitely post more convos anad situations for helpful advice.

LFL and others. I am SOOO sorry to have caused all this ruckus and apparently bad feelings. LFL please come back and post here. Your voice is needed. You have given me such good advice about things, from a perspective that is uniquely different from anyone else's here. And you have done so for other people too, not just me. I love how you stand up to blackfoot and have a great time doing it. I would hate to be the cause for your voice being absent from this community.

As for the others, I don't think LFL intended to get into a discussion with me that would cross any boundaries, any more than the discussion we already have. I just think maybe there were some details that were embarrassing to talk about or something that she might have felt more comfortable talking about one on one. Or maybe it was just like me she was worried about polluting the board with non-relationship stuff. Although the pumpkin discussion today completely dispelled that notion from me. Maybe I am being naive yet again. I seem to be pretty good at that.

You are right about one thing Cobra, I am worried that I have posted too many details here. I hope no one has gotten the idea that I ever intended my comments as wife-bashing or looking down on her. I have tried to use this forum as a means of getting my head on straight so that I CAN MAKE MY MARRIAGE WORK. Sometimes when we vent we say things that we really don't mean in the long term, which is why I am saying that stuff here instead of to my wife. You guys have called me on the BS parts of my vents, and I thank you for that. The bottom line is that I love my wife and want to stay married to her. Perhaps not in the old naive 'we'll always be in love no matter what' frame of mind, but the 'I am determined to make it work' frame of mind.

Anyway, more later when I get a chance. I'll respond to everyone's posts, except maybe the pumpkin threads. And most importantly ... LFL COME BACK!!!!!

[Chrissy]

Globe,

Sorry about the pumpkin hi jack! All in the spirit of Halloween

Sometimes it is fun to talk about other things then our problems. Your and LFL banter has been a nice break. I don't think anyone here minds reading it. We all banter back in forth at times about non relationship issues.

I do not think anyone here was trying to offend either of you with there advice of how posting outside of the forum may side track you from your reasons to be here. And put one or both of you in a bad place in the future if your S came across the more person style of discussions via email...ie One on One vs open forum. Others here have done that very thing and it has turned into EA's and blown up in there faces and made there sitch worse. They no longer have the cyber family to speak since there S requested they no longer come to this website. I don't think anyone here wants to se either of you in that position.

I hope LFL realizes this and comes back and joins us. Her insight and support has helped many here.

Hope your trip went well!

Again sorry for painting pumpkins on your thread

Chrissy