"Like I've said before, try not to look too far into the future." You are right ... hard but necessary at this juncture.
"Try and vent here, to friends, but not her. It will only make things worse at this point. She has made it clear through words and actions that she is not ready to really address these issues" I have been holding back my vents, other than the grabbing episode yesterday morning.
"Do you have friends (other than us, lol) that you can spend some time with and get a shoulder to cry on?" I do have a few, but they of course have their own lives. There is one guy I have been hanging out with a bit. He is a student of mine, but he is "non-traditional" (in his late 40s) so I really don't think of him as a student. Besides, he actually wouldn't care if I gave him a bad grade, he is in it for the knowledge (which is why he always does very well in my classes). Basically, I am just trying to head off any comments about conflict of interest. We've gone out and had a few beers. He works in a liquor store part-time so he knows some cool drinks. Every tried a caramel martini?
I've got a few other friends, but I'm always afraid of dumping on IRL friends. Unfortunately, the one friend I don't mind dumping on, because she has done the same to me, is the mutual friend. I also email the counselor some, but she usually takes a few days to get back to me, then the reason I am down is passed.
"They are not going through it so it is harder for them to understand and give feedback." Another big problem with the people around here. The student friend has come closest, but he is many years past those problems in his life so he has a hard time remembering how it felt while in the midst of them.
"Still, getting a needed pat on the back or hug helps. You are defintely in need of some TLC and TOUCH" That is the biggest problem. I don't have anyone for TLC or touch friendship. If the wife doesn't touch me, I don't get it at all, which means I mostly don't get it at all. Sucks.
"I sense you feel the same way so it's nice" I do. You have definitely been more help to me than I have been to you ... so far. I will return the favor.
"Differences? What?" I know, I was shocked when I realized it.
"She is probably feeling overwhelmed, tired, and let's face it, angry at you." Overwhelmed and tired I can sense. But if she is angry with me, let it out. I want to hear it.
"MAybe your W is thinking something similar." That could be. She may be holding it in hoping this will all go away and we can just focus on the kids. She may feel like if she opens up to me, I'll just turn it around on her, or won't listen to her and just focus on my issues. But if she truly would tell me point blank, I don't like X and Y, I would definitely listen and change my behavior. The problem is all this trying to figure out clues based on how she is acting. You guys have been a help, but it is still hard.
"How is that possible" Most households have a coffeepot in the house, and some even take the time to get the nice coffees (Gevalia, etc.). Not only are there no coffee shops, we only have fast food, two mexican restaurants, two chinese restaurants, and one "grill"-type restaurant. No italian (my favorite), no seafood (my second favorite), no nice sit-down places, etc. etc. etc. Lots of fried catfish places though. (that's me barfing).
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
