I see that the regularly scheduled meeting of the Grrr Club for Hopeless Romantics is STILL in session. Being a card carring member I thought I'd add my take on this. Being my first stab at something other than a one line interjection, bear with me.
"So I came up behind her, grabbed her, started rubbing on her legs and stomach, and even picked her up a bit"
Given your current situation, this approach (the direct approach) was probably too much ( way too physical). I understand your feeling for wanting to do that, really I do (BTDT). However a more gentle (i.e. loving, romantic) approach might have been to simply stop for a moment and watch her in the mirror. When she noticed your presence, a hand on the shoulder and a kiss on the neck and the simple words "I love you, Beautiful" might have been a more effective way of conveying what you were feeling at that moment. Understand that the grabby, feely stuff can feel like too much "pressure" to her. Especially if it is the way that you usually communicate these feeling to her. So, I have to agree with Chrissy here.
"Your wifes response was simular to mine when my H does these king of things. My H always feel it is based on I don't want him to touch me. But really it is how he touches me."
The important word there was "HOW he touches me". I think that we as guys tend to overlook this important message. I too have had to unlearn this habit. That although this is may be exactly how we feel on the inside (Man, She looks so HOT, I just wanna grab her), its not the kind of message that she may be ready to receive (save it for latter). Hence my script above and Chrissy's
"Had you have walked up behind your wife and rubbed her upper back or upper arms first while telling her how hot you thought she was you may not have gotten the same response from her."
My point exactly. And.
"When my H and I have had no contact and he immediately makes contact in a sexual nature. It is a automatic turn off for me. It is not loving in nature it is pure he wants sex in my mind. I feel used."
See, there's that "pressure again" and a response/feeling by her that I'm sure you really had no intention of conveying. Your touches and hands are dangerously close to erogeoness zones. You've got to build up to this point and your simply just not there yet. My point here is that I understand your approach but it was not not the best of timing. If you are in fact looking for a "180", your answer should be quite clear. You wife has already shared this clue with you.
"She said, "well you do it all the time so ..." I got a little more miffed and responded "well I won't do it anymore then." She responded, "yes you will" and kept on putting on makeup."
Your first 180. I think that she's called your bluff, so now's the time to step up to the plate hold back on the grabby stuff (at least for now). You'll earn a few integrity points along the way. I think that the 180's that you come up with should be internalized and not openly shared with her. Like Michelle say's, "Just do it". But not in the context that she usually referrs. Just take notes and see what happens.
Looks like my 2 pennies worth should be adjusted for inflation.
Last edited by snookchaser; 10/09/0511:54 AM.
"And wrinkles only go where the smiles have been." J. Buffett
