"You can't get your W to do anything she does not choose to do herself." I've got to remember that and not blame myself if she chooses not to change.
"That's why it is so true that you have to love and care for YOURSELF before you can TRULY love and care for someone else." I'm understanding that better and better every day. Although it wasn't the best way to do it, the EA I think was the first thing in my life to make me start to care about myself. It should have been my marriage, but for whatever reason, it didn't happen. Now I want it to happen, but it will be a lot of work.
Thanks for the motivational speech there at the end. I gotta keep focused on the fact that no matter how much my wife MAY want me to go back to old Glob because it is safer for her, it really was bad for our marriage. New Glob still has a lot of work to do to make himself better, but the potential for a great marriage is there now. I'm starting to talk in 3rd person now.
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
Wait a few weeks and I'll get a better explanation on that one. So far I am holding off judgement thinking maybe it was said in passing without much thought, or that she just didn't know me well enough to put it in proper perspective. I do think that the W and the C hit it off really well on the first MC session, so I'd hate to drop her as a C when that interaction could be positive. I think my wife needs C as much as me, so having someone she trusts and feels good about talking to is important to me.
I am sure your C LOVED YOU!!!! How could he/she not?
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
"I would fantasize all the time about being with someone else."
WHOA! Another light bulb went off. Your statement triggered some memories in me. I am remembering a lot of fantasizing about other women in the months leading up to this summer and the EA. Strange that I forgot all about that until now.
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
"You yourself have given other woman credit for these changes several time. While it was you who made the change she only helped facilitate it."
Hmmm. Definitely food for thought. I guess I didn't realize I was doing that. Thanks.
"Your wife has changed since taking on the role of motherhood." I guess I just assumed that since she always wanted kids as her number 1 goal in life, that she would have no problem with the changes in her life that kids brought about. I need to work on that empathizing bit in this case.
"You have had 4 years to do so she has had a few weeks you might just want to give her a little time." I'm not sure what you mean by 4 years.
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
"Who's living your life? Only you know what is best for you in the end Globule." But I'm just a scatterbrained scientist, who am I to decide how to live my life? Good point LFL.
"You can't rubber stamp how everyone else should live their lives." Very few statements contain more truth than that. That is why I have so much respect for social scientists, there are really no rules that can be universally applied.
"Honestly, my innocence regarding the M is gone." I wonder if you do the same thing that I do. Whenever I hear one of my students saying "I'm getting married" I have to bite my tongue from giving lots of dire warnings and saying "boy are you in for it."
"I do not EXPECT that we will live happily ever after. Frankly, I can't see more than a few months down the road. I'm ok with that although a little restless. I'm trying not to dwell on the future and I don't think you should either."
Restless is an understatement for us. Don't dwell on the past, don't dwell on the future, what the heck am I supposed to dwell on? Oh yeah, the present.
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
Thanks to all for your insights in my thread, I had a customary long reply to you LFL, but I am going to let it lie. wow Blackfoot, that says a lot coming from you. I'm humbled. I spent quite a bit of time mulling that over so I'm glad it was appreciated. Hope you take some of it to heart.
Glad the whole jealousy discussion resonated with you as well. We're all making some progress here I'd say.
I would like to thank everyone on this board for some very interesting discussions this week. I appreciate the chance to participate on this board and am learning a lot. I will try to finish the second half of my thread within the next day or two. Hope everyone has a great weekend!
I wonder if part of the weirdness inside of me from my W's reaction to me telling her about the EA comes from the fact that she didn't react strongly enough to indicate that she feels possessive of me. Basically, my wacky brain interpreted her non-response as "I don't really care one way or another, because I don't feel you are mine anyway." I have to admit, it would be kindof a turn-on for me if she would act possessive toward me. Makes total sense. I think that is the correct analysis. Possessiveness at the very least implies EC. That is what we all want, right? (RESPONSE TO ANALYSIS BY LFL) WOW! I mean, I meant to do all that ... yeah! I've got you ladies figured out and are just manipulating you at every turn I knew you weren't being manipulative, that's what made it so perfect Seriously, it always puts a smile on my face to see that you posted Me too. Cobra on the other hand LOL He certainly is the "serious" one of the bunch but has some great insights.
Good point LFL.
