It seems that some are saying don't let it out, hide your feelings, and turn the situation around to something positive (do a 180). While on the other hand you are not supposed to internalize things. Either I am just not getting it (99% probability) or there is a contradiction here. Yes there is a contradiction. There is no one right answer. How about a BALANCE between the two? I think one of the main problems in my M is that I have changed dramatically in my wife's eyes, and she probably associates all of that change to OW. From my perspective though, I have just broken out of a shell caused by years of rejection and poor communication and found my true self. How do I get my wife to see that this new me is truly a better me and that even though it came about as a result of the EA, it is a good thing in the long run? Also, I cannot go back to the old me, and even if I could, the old me was bad for our marriage. I wish there was an easy answer here but there isn't. You can't get your W to do anything she does not choose to do herself. I think a lot of M's end for this very reason. People need to be flexible. It is normal for people to change and evolve over the years. The successful M's understand this and "go with the flow." One person changes, the other adjusts, back and forth. If one is unwilling to change at all, that is a recipe for disaster. Not only is that person stagnant in the M but they are pretty stagnant as an individual. That's why it is so true that you have to love and care for YOURSELF before you can TRULY love and care for someone else. It sounds like you are really working on these issues within yourself Globule. Stay with it! Going back will be a nightmare and you know it. The thing is, you said it yourself, the M was doomed as the old you. As the new you, it at least has a chance.
