I hear what you are saying and yes you are thinking too logically. I also think that in spite of your claims to be an emotion-based person, your views are still within the context of the male model. The female definition of emotions is completely different. For instance, my old girl friend in college knew I loved her, I told her so, and that is why I stayed with her. I also knew that she loved me which is why she stayed with me. So any show of jealousy was illogical since an action that would create this feeling in me meant that she was leaving me, probably for some good reason and if she found someone more attractive than I, what could I do about it.
What I did not understand is that no matter how much we loved each other, she still wanted to hear it and feel it. Seeing a little healthy jealousy is reaffirming. It is bonding and ritualistic. It makes her feel good because it soothes her insecurities, even if showing jealousy does nothing directly for me. But when she feels good, I feel good, so indirectly it does benefit me.
This is not subterfuge, it is the human condition. When you say this is hard to understand or that to change the way you do things or think about things, could it be that the resistance comes from control issues? I am thinking in terms of the many engineers we have in our building. These guys do not like to have their world changed, which I think is part of the reason they drift to careers that try to define and control the real world. Their logic and rationality is comforting and helps to neatly define their envelope of existence. Change the boundaries and they go into shock.
My parents are scientists too. Being better educated, they gain a certain confidence that they know the answers better than others (see the family of origin influence) which helps to keep a certain level of control. Deferring this “authority” to other points of view that cannot be rationally explained just doesn’t makes sense. This is why my parents, myself and possibly you are having problems understanding other people’s emotional quotient.
Actually, I think women see us men as engaging in subterfuge more than they. It would be interesting to hear their thoughts on how they think we are not honest with our emotions. Ladies….????
