Quote: The subterfuge I see is that you pretend to accept your W's words while secretly thinking "she'll just change her mind later." I do understand the concept, but it borders on being patronizing which I abhor. I'd rather just say "I don't like what you are saying to me (or this negative feeling you are having) and I hope you reconsider it and come to a better conclusion later." Is this wrong-headed of me, or am I just misinterpreting your's and Cobra's words again.
I don't think it wise to discount what your spouse says. I also don't think it wise to think that every utterance, especially in the heat of an argument should be given the utmost creedence.
One of the things I did notice after reading through NOP's posts here prior to my joining was the amount of import that was placed on some things I had said or done. I'm not talking about the times when the assessment was totally off-base, but rather when it was being read and picked over as if they were chicken entrails from which a greater meaning could be determined. And when it was only some off-hand remark or action, that didn't have a greater underlying meaning. I've seen that happen repeatedly with other participants, so it wasn't/isn't exclusive to our relationship.
The goal is to hear what your spouse says, place it into context, don't ignore it when the meaning is clear, but recognize that it is what she/he is saying and/or feeling *at that moment*. Have you posted some examples of the type of interaction you are referencing?
