"Blackfoot, when you said "don't internalize it," that was exactly right, too." See this is where I'm having some trouble collating everyone's points. It seems that some are saying don't let it out, hide your feelings, and turn the situation around to something positive (do a 180). While on the other hand you are not supposed to internalize things. Either I am just not getting it (99% probability) or there is a contradiction here.
"People do change and they have to be allowed to change. I think one of the bad things that happens in a long term R is that both people get locked into each other's expectations and it's hard for one person to do something different and hard for the other to allow them to be different. That's one of the things about the affair that is so freeing-- you're with someone who has no expectations of how you should be, so you can behave very freely."
I think one of the main problems in my M is that I have changed dramatically in my wife's eyes, and she probably associates all of that change to OW. From my perspective though, I have just broken out of a shell caused by years of rejection and poor communication and found my true self. How do I get my wife to see that this new me is truly a better me and that even though it came about as a result of the EA, it is a good thing in the long run? Also, I cannot go back to the old me, and even if I could, the old me was bad for our marriage. I guess the answer is time, continued effort, and patience.
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
