Hi DD, I have been doing pretty well with my goals. I am doing alright with my finances and working on paying some things off. I haven't been doing much job-hunting. A few interviews from he!! have turned me off for a little while, and now with the holidays, etc...I've put it on hold. I'll get back into it soon. I have been doing a v good job AAI and GAL.
My H is certainly not the violent type, so as you said, if he thinks I have other guys interested me...not a bad idea. Truth of the matter is, I got hit on all the time while M, so it's not much diff being Sep.!
We have had a couple good talks. Last Sunday, the talk kinda sounded like, "if we were to work things out...how would we?" But, it was not definitive at ALL and he never said, "let's try again" or anything like that. But, we ML. Then I went back to my room. He came to see me a couple times to ML, then on Sunday this week I told him I was going to stay with a friend. Sunday night he comes in to my room to hang. He chit chats then he just stands there. I want to scream "what the heck do you WANT??? You obviously want ME, but ???" So, I spent the night in our room. Monday night I went to bed with him too and we both cried and hugged, then ML some more. and more on tuesday morn! He said he was sad, but I didn't get into any discussion with him though i wanted to say so badly, "we can do this!" In the past I have begged and pleaded with him to stay with me which worked back then, but once he started being jerky and lied, I quit begging and started putting some of the responsibility on him and said, "are you in this or not" kind of things. Then he would come back and say that he was in. Then we fight and he says he is out. I can only go back and forth so many times. However, I am still willing to go back again!!! (or would it be forth?) :.)
So, last night, I took some things to friend's house, but I have to go home to feed my dogs twice a day. I spent the night away and fortunately, my best friend helped me and stayed over with me. My dr. friend whose house I am staying in is out of town again and her house is fab.! It's 20 min. from my house. This morning, I stopped by to feed dogs (they live outside), but I didn't go in. It was so hard. I wanted so bad to go in and say "I want to be home with you!" or have him come out and say "don't go!" But...I don't know what would work right now. I think letting him miss me and go through this holiday w/o me, etc. might do some good. I'm also afraid if I see him that I would jump in the sack with him, and I don't know if that would help right now or not.
My plan (today) is if we talk, to continue going along with the D and be understanding to him as much as possible. Last Sunday he said that he feels like he can't be himself with his s.o.h. and that he needs to be happy, so I said, "I understand. I don't like it, but I understand." Really I'm thinking "duh...that is so stupid! if you would just say, "just kidding" once in a while, I might be more apt to 'get it'."
I am hanging in. Wanting to bust out in tears at times (which I do), but...maintaining. Learning to stop myself from crying is helping me too.
More on the emo response part in a bit. I have to go to 2nd job. ttyl, karen812 p.s. thanks soooooooo much for stopping by. i'll write you later too!
