Believe it or not, I still have a lot of resolve/determination left in me. So many ppl think that I should be done or would have left or kicked him out or whatever, but bottom line is: I still love him, and I made a commitment. I seldom make commitments, b/c when I do, I MEAN IT!
I am sticking with my goals. Allow me to update:
1. Make money and find a new full-time job. *Continuing to waitress and I have 3 loans in processing! They should close mid Nov., so I should get paid Nov. 30 or Dec. 15. Have an interview with a recruiter on Tuesday, sending out lots of resumes.
2. Clean stuff. *Made another big dent in the basement, still works in progress.
3. Keep up my life-go out with friends, walk dogs, work on crafts, climb, do other exercise, etc. * I am busy, busy, busy!!! Hardly ever home and getting home after H goes to bed. Making him go "hmmm..."
4. Take care of my own emotional needs. *Doing pretty well, though, I really wish I could change my emotional reactions when he makes comments like the one he made yesterday. I wish I could have just chuckled and said "good-luck with that!" Or, "want me to come in to say hello?" or something very light and airy. grr...makes me mad at myself. I am trying to think of some canned responses so I don't have to think about it like: "Oh, that's interesting." "Funny!" Something to the effect of "whatever!" Any suggestions???
5. Be warm, friendly and receptive to H. When he talks to me about feelings, I am being very open and understanding, not getting defensive, listening to him and validating him. When he initiates ML or refers to me having other boyfriends, I am v reassuring and complimentary to him. *This is going well, but after yesterday, I don't feel exactly like being romantic!
