i very upset. H asked me to drop him off at work and i said, "sure!" and on the way he told me that everyone will probably give him sh!t for having me drop him off. so, i got upset (tears in my eyes, but no cry.) i ask if he only says neg. things about me and don't they know we are friendly with each other? he says, "they only know the situation." (meaning what, that he is waiting for me to get a job to D me???) i say, is this why you didn't bring my truck here to change my oil last week? he says i need to let him know when he can have truck. so, he asks why i care. i say i dont know. i tell my friends both sides of the story and your friends hate me for no reason. he says his friends are concerned for him and that they have seen me treat him like crap in front of them enough times. i say my friends are concerned too, but they know what you have done to me AND what i have done to you. so, i agreee that i shouldn't care but that i am feeling defensive... WHY DO I CARE? WHY DO I STILL HAVE HOPE? IS HE REALLY DONE? WHY DON'T I JUST GET ON WITH MY LIFE W/O HIM???
I am very angry right now. Even if we were to stay together, it would probably be a long long time before I would ever do anything with his friends again. I feel like he has really disparaged me. Why can't he love me, forgive me, and treat me with kindness and respect? Am I a fool for wanting to stay with him? Why am I sooo committed, when it is so easy for him to say he is done???
I know I have issues, and I am working on them with my C. We are talking about my immediate emotional responses to things (like me getting jealous) and how to deal with it. She wants me to get into this group that teaches Dialectical Behavior Therapy and helps women step away from their emotions before reacting. Anyone ever heard of it?
Anyhow, if H can't accept me for who I am, how can I stay with him? I have changed sooooooo much, but it doesn't seem to matter b/c I still get jealous AT TIMES. But hardly ever anymore!!! grrr....
