A New Beginning

[Determined_Doug]

Hi Karen
Sorry about your day. I know what you mean about not wanting to kill yourself just to "enjoy" a lifestyle that your job doesn't give you time for! My philosophy has always been that I will never work that hard for someone else. If I need to put in 60+ hrs on a job, it will be for my own benefit (ie my own business). As it is, I only work about 30 hrs per week and make a good living. (Too bad my marriage situation sucks, oh-well...).

I don't know if your last question was rhetorical or not ("what did I say/do?") but I wouldn't be too hard on myself if I were you. First, if your H didn't mention the D word in the conversation, take that as a good thing! I suggest you try banishing all ideas of D from your thoughts and imaginings. I find that negative thoughts breed negative attitudes and it tends to carry over into how I interact with my W. If I stay positive, I end up projecting positively to my W and (surprisingly to me) she is more upbeat and positive towards me. Worry about a job or career choice can be difficult enough without worrying about a marriage or a place to live too! Try taking what you have, look at the positive parts and build on those little triumphs. (Even if he was drunk, at least he came to you, apologized to you and cuddled with you...)

I often find that when a problem appears overwhelming if I break it up into several sub-problems that are easier to deal with, as each part gets solved I get more confidence in keeping on with the task of dealing with the whole thing. Maybe just sitting down and figuring out what kind of career you really want should be your first step. Take care of you and don't worry about your R in this moment. How do you want to spend your working hours?

It is easy to offer suggestions from this side of the fence, I know. I often find my problems with the R overwhelm everything else. Sometimes I just need a mental break from feeling lousy about my life. Fortunately, my work sometimes provides a constructive distraction.

Hang in there.

D