A New Beginning

[Determined_Doug]

Hi Karen
Wow. Sounds like you are living in a mirror world of mine! It is really helpful to hear you describe your state of mind as it gives me some real insight into my W.

Perhaps I can return the favor by describing my own reaction to my W's "actions".

We too have spent a lot of time in separate bedrooms. She claims various reasons for it...a new mattress that hurts her back, I snore, she can't settle. When we have "good" days where she is obviously feeling closer to me she has no difficulty sleeping in the same bed. Still no physical contact initiated by her though. Anyway, I feel emotionally abandoned by her. I decided a long time ago that she is not deaf and hears me quite well when I do complain of a lack of closeness, but I see very little movement by her to correct this on her part. I have just decided to not get my hopes up and have begun to insulate myself from disappointing rejection. After all, you can only bang your head against a wall so many times before you discover that it hurts and it is a good idea to discontinue. Repeated rejection leads to bad feelings etc. I am very lonely, but I know that if I ask for closeness, she interprets me as a whining weakling. It just seems I cannot win, so I no longer try. I am still sad, and it shows. Perhaps if I try and am disgustingly pleased with myself about it she may take an interest in me again, but I am just not in that space.

As I re-read this, I do not think I have given you much helpful info, but just ask if I can help you.

Thanks again for being on this board.

D