Hi guys and thanks for the encouragement and words of caution, I do listen to you all. BB yes, I hear you when you say dare you ask.....

Update......
Friday night H came over and him S9 and myself all had tea together and went to the Video store and got a DVD and S9 a X-Box game. My other two children were staying at their nan's as usual for a Friday night...Anyhow H and I realised that "Australia V's Ireland" footy match was on T.V. it was the 1st test. (This is a match we play once a year once our AFL has finished it's season). We both watched this instead of our DVD and it was a great match as Australia won quite convincingly.

We had a cup of tea and then went to bed. and yes we did.....Next morning I started my housework H went for a shower, made coffee and read the paper and then said he needed to go to the shops and did I want to come. I said "No I will continue with my housework and go down later but that he should go and I will watch S9" (He was taking S9 home for the night). So he did this and came back and we then watched our DVD. I had my father and his family coming for tea that night and told H he was welcome to stay for tea but it might be a bit soon and I understood if he would prefer not to. H said "Yeah I think I will give it a miss this time. I said "That's fine but I need to be rude and get you moving as I have to shop for dinner and then cook it". H took that O.K. and got moving.
Saturday night had dinner with Dad & Co which was all good.

Sunday I was doing some trimming of the bushes and pottering around and then about 1.00pm texted H to see what time he was coming back with S9 and he texted back that his car wasn't going. Thru alot of texting I ended up going and buying a new battery that he paid me back for and taking it down to him.

Now it gets a bit funny.....Thursday night when H and I went out OW was texting nasty messages all night to him which I am sure I posted last week but he showed me them all and that was fine. Nothing from her Friday and then H tells me Sunday that he saw her the night before. I said "How when you had S9? He said she dropped in here and I spoke to her outside for 5 or 10 mins. I said "O.K. and what happened" He said "She told him she had resigned from work b/c she wouldn't need work in a couple of weeks as she wouldn't be around anymore" H asked her what she meant by that and she told him not to worry about that and that she just had to do what she had to do. This bothered H as he said she was more or less saying that she was going to committ suicide and he was worried. I told him that I knew that was a concern to him but that I didn't see he could really do alot. I mentioned that most people who talk about it don't do it although there is no guarantee's. H said apparently she attempted it when she was 13. I then said "Look she obviously had serious issues back then and still has today, if she has tried it before it is not your fault. All you can do is ring her friend and her son (who is 21) and tell them your concerns but also say that you are going to keep your distance as you do not want to give her false hope or the wrong idea. H said he had told her son that and I said I didn't see what more he could do and that by showing concern to her was only making it worse for her b/c it shows that you care and she may read more into that.

H was really frustrated and said he didn't know what to do and he felt very guilty about how she was feeling and would feel awful if something happened to her. I said I understood this but if he couldn't keep away from her, then we may have a problem.

H took this to mean that I wanted to end it and got all upset and bothered. I calmed him down and we went for a walk and he basically said to me that he felt awful and that he didn't want to lose me and could understand why I would have doubts but that he was going to avoid speaking to her if at all possible but that he didn't want to make a promise that might get broken, which would make me more upset. H also said he didn't have to tell me about her coming over but he felt that if he was honest it would be better and would show that he wasn't hiding anything. I said I appreciated that and I understood how difficult it was for him and that lets just take it a day at a time and see what she does next.

H did say he hoped she did nothing as this was all doing his head in. I again said I understood and left it at that b/c he was very distressed. He did text me later to say goodnight and that he had no more news which was good.

So that's my update. You can all see why I have been and still am very cautious about all this. Even though he is starting to walk the walk I can see OW is not going to make this easy and will manipulate as best she can to win. If she does get him to weaken or doubt his decision then I will have to accept that and realise that he will never be strong enough for our R b/c the moment she weakens him if she does I am out of it for good, I believe H knows this and I truly think it bothers him alot as he keeps saying he doesn't want me to walk away. I guess we just have to wait and see what happens day by day and how he reacts to whatever she throws his way. It is very unsettling though, and I did say that to H as I said to him it is her that has been in the background for so long and somehow she always manages to not let us give our M 100%. I said that until she was completely out of the picture, we wouldn't be able to get back on track. H said he realised that and to take it easy for the next week and see what she does. He said nothing would change with us but for me to just relax and see.

So I guess that's what I do.....Bring it on give me all your thoughts am I doing this wrong, am I being too trusting, is it a waste of time, who knows. I think I just have to keep taking each day as it comes. It has been going O.K. and he seems to be honest, I guess patience on my part and understanding and that's what I am trying to do without losing my boundaries either....sigh.....KDU

"FAKE IT UNTIL YOU MAKE IT!!"(quote:Anna)