Hellkat - thanks and it keeps going on wait for this next update......
I have just done the biggest post of my life and I lost it, so I am not going through all this again so this is a very short version and if I can be bothered later I will elaborate.....
H nagged me to go to the gym with him on Sunday as he had finished his letter and wanted me to read it over breakfast after the gym. So I did.
His letter more or less said he was scared, confused and had to work out what he wanted blah blah blah, it was 3 pages long but made nothing any clearer.....
I told him this and we got into a really good discussion about everything right down to money and guilt and OW and I told him my side of everything and H seemed to have some penny drop and then said OH hell what am I doing.
I said I didn't know and he told me that OW has blackmailed him where work is concerned and one of her friends told him that she will probably committ suicide if he screws her around again.
So H is feeling worried and awful. I just said well you need to make some choices but guilt has just got to go. 9 months of not knowing what you want is long enough, it is time to make a decision as I am moving on with my life.
He went on about how he can't bear for me not to be in his life and I said well you need to ask yourself why that is b/c I am now ready to not have you in my life. I have not closed the door completely but I am ready to kick it shut, once I have moved on.
H then said could I just wait for a week and I said, Look I am not changing anything that quick so sort yourself out but don't ring me or contact me, stay away, clear your head and see what you want....
So H rang me about 3 times yesterday just going over and over things and I just kept strong and didn't weaken, I have never heard him sound so desperate and I did say to him that I felt for him and how hard this must be for him but that I couldn't really help him anymore he had to assess everything for himself. I said to see who he wanted to grow old with, who did he feel more comfortable, who could he talk to yadda yadda all that stuff and I even tried to push him abit towards OW which he resisited.
So now he is mulling it all over, so we are not off this rollercoaster just yet but I am not waiting for him. 9 months is long enough, he has me in his life or not and I am fine with it either way. I said it could always change down the track but you know what, I think this is the first time H really believes that I am going to move on and he is right, it probably is the first time I have meant it and he is panicking but I said that we may find we never want to be together again or we may decide in 6 months to try again that nobody knew what the future held, so we had to make the best decisions we could and see what happened.
So there you have it, some may say I gave him an ultimatum (however you spell it) but I didn't he sort of gave it to himself and you know what I am fine if he doesn't come back b/c it will be alot of hard work sorting us out.
Anyway we will see what happens now, gosh it is a long hard road....KDU
