Lisa and Jaylyn - Thanks guys for your lovely words, it helps me keep focused...
Update: H took S last night and it felt very uncomfortable whilst H was there. He didn't know where to look and I wasn't going to make conversation. H said he would drop S's stuff off at my work in the morning and I said "No worries".
H came to my work this morning to drop off S's gear and was chatty about nothing really just a show he had watched last night on T.V. I listened and made the occasional, "yeah or really" but nothing much else. He then asked what I was up to tonight and I said I was going out for dinner with a group of people and we weren't sure whether we were going out afterwards or if we would all just go back to my place and have a few drinks and play pool. H said "Oh well have a good time" and I said "Thanks I intend to". He then said he was going to the gym on Sunday morning and would I like him to pick me up" (WTF) I said "Tony I don't think that is a great idea, you are the one who wants distance and to keep it simple, so there is no need to pick me up". H said "Oh - well I will ring you later and let you think about it" I said "Truly there is no need" and H said "No I will ring you later". We then said goodbye and that was that.
H rang a little while ago to say that he had spoken to his BIL's brother about jobs that may be going on the Wharfs soon. This had been discussed when we were at BIL's funeral last month. Apparently they are starting interviews next month for P&O Cruises so this guy is going to give him a call. Apparently for 2 days work you gross about $1000. I said to H well that's good, I hope it works out for you. H said we will have to wait and see I guess and I said "Yep that's all you can do - I will keep my fingers crossed for you as I know you want to do it".
H then said "Now what about the gym on Sunday" I said "Tony I explained that earlier and I am not going to go with you as it is not a good idea at the moment". H said "Well if you are sure" and I said "Tone that is what you have said you want, I am just making it easier for you to stick by what you have said" He then said "Look Kim I don't know what I am doing from one day to the next, my mind changes every day, I am going to try and write you a letter and try and explain everything to you and hopefully you will understand things better". I said "that is a good idea if you think it will help" H said "I think so but you know how bad I am at writing so it is going to be very hard to do as I have never written a letter before but I am going to try" I said "Well good luck with it and I will speak more once you give it to me" H said he had to get going and I said "O.K. well I will see you next week when you pick up S and if you get the letter written before then just drop it in my mailbox". H said "O.K. we will leave it at that for the moment" I said "Yep no worries". We then said our goodbyes.
He is so mixed up in his own head but it is his problem to deal with I cannot work it out for him. I could easily have gone with him to the gym but then we would just fall into that pattern of doing things and him just knowing I was there when he needed me. I think it is time for him to be completely on his own and I need to keep detaching and knocking him back on things so he can see what it is like without me in his life. I will be pleasant but distant when I have contact with him. If he realises he doesn't like things like this well then he will have to do some re-evaluating and if he doesn't well I can't change that either.
I know it sounds like I have given up and I guess in a way I have but if he acted the right way and really pursued me well I might change my mind but I won't hold my breath or I could turn blue before he works himself out.
So I am off tonight for dinner at an Indian Restaurant with 5 friends which will be yummy and I am sure will be a great night.
All of you have a fabulous weekend and I will check in on you all on Monday....
BB and the DBer's that he is meeting, I want a full report Monday please and I hope you all have a great time. DBer's look after my dear friend BB he needs to relax and forget things for a little which I am sure you can do for him......KDU
