Hey KDU... Just found your new thread. KDU, I know exactly what you are going through. Exactly. Been there, done that. Your H's actions are JUST LIKE mine.
What I can say to you is this. Your H is confused, as we all know, and he isn't sure he just wants to be friends. He is sure he doesn't want to lose you from his life.
The weekly date thing is something my H and I started as well. And we had a similar outcome. This is what I think we can learn from this experience with the WAS's for others who come into this sitch. and if it occurs again with your sitch. and you are open to it still.
H was missing you. Wanting you in his life. And though we try to stay detached, when they start telling us these things and showing interest, we somehow really get those unmet needs of ours to drive us to ask Q's and ask for commitment. Of course, it is natural and human. However, asking them to commit when they are just testing the waters does not work. What it says to them, is we are still available. We need to let them wonder and not ask for commitment and make ZERO mention of OW or R. This is a mindpit that is so hard to do. If your H follows the pattern of mine, and of his own, he'll be back again. If you want to continue this, which I think you do still want your M, or you still aren't sure yet at least, then let him make these steps towards you, but in your mind you must stay completely detached, (very hard, I know), treat him simply as a friend, DO NOT get excited and be available whenever he asks, keep GAL for yourself and let him see it, keep up the mystery and not share everything going on. Your H is thinking about you a lot and he doesn't want to lose you. But he doesn't think he is. He thinks it is his choice and that makes him comfortable to withdraw yet again. I wouldn't read much into him saying he only wants to be friends. He doesn't know that. Take comfort that he wants you in his life. That's all he knows. Don't bring up any R talks, KDU. Don't ask for any commitment from him. Don't offer commitment to him. Play it really cool here. Keep on DBing. I know it gets exhausting, but I think this process with you and your H is moving forward, it is just tiring. If you start having those "dates" again, be sure your only goal is to have him feel comfortable with you. Enjoy the companionship. But do not be so available to him. Don't announce your DBing to him, ie...I quit pursuing you. That makes it sound like you still want to pursue him and makes him very comfortable to withdraw. So start looking at what it was that had him seeking you out. And do it again. And be patient. And the next time he does this, keep your own GAL, truly have no expectations, and take care of you. I still see progress made here. Your H is not ready to let you go. And you know the A will end sometime. Really, it is a matter of how long you can hold out for him. He and you just need to realize that. H needs to worry about losing you forever and he isn't. My H chases each and every time he thinks I am gone. Each and every time he suspects another person may be in the picture. That's when he is out of his comfort zone. Your H needs to be out of his comfort zone with this. That's my advice, for what it is worth. KDU, you are a champ. And you are doing well. I hope this helps you get a clear pic. of what is happening so you don't beat yourself up or feel so disappointed.
Thank you so much, BTW, for all your words of support. You are a wonderful person.
