kml - Yes he always makes remarks about myself and my male friend Jarrod. I told him once months ago that he was still just a friend but I think H has his doubts especially when the kids say that Jarrod was around or that Mum went out with Jarrod. So I think he does wonder about it......
Well H came to my office and just said that my friendship was the most important thing to him but that he doesn't want anything more than that. I said "Fine but I don't know why you had to say that in person as you had said that yesterday" H had nothing to say.
I ended up saying more than I probably should have which was, Look I accept what you are saying but I am very disappointed in you as I have not persued you at all for weeks, you have done all the contacting as I was starting to make a life for myself, then you spoke last week and said you wanted to try and work things out. I never asked you to do that you are the one that bought that up and then 5 days later you change your mind again. After 12 years I deserve to be treated better than that by you. You say you really want my friendship but I don't think that is possible at the moment as friends do not treat people the way you have. We may only have ended up with friendship in the end but that is something we will never know b/c you pulled the pin. We would have needed to have gone out for quite a few weeks to have been able to even judge whether we had a future together and in what capacity but you didn't give it a chance. Well now I am through, i am going to get on with my life as the person you have turned into is not someone I want as a friend, whatever happens in the future happens and if we become friends that is a bonus but that is not something I am comfortable with at the moment.
H said he understood everything I was saying and I said good then we have nothing further to discuss and I need to get back to my work. H said he was sorry and I just said you should be.......
H went to his car and drove off very subdued and very slowly. He actually had tears in his eyes. I can tell he is confused but that doesn't help me or him. I feel sorry for him but I feel sorry for me too. So as I cannot control his actions or feelings I need to do what is right for me and that was saying how I felt and then leaving it and moving on. It will be difficult but not as hard as other times, I am sad and disappointed but I think I knew deep inside this would happen so maybe it's not such a shock...
So there you have it that's the latest, I will have to think about some goals and start implementing them.......Life wasn't meant to be easy hey but I didn't think it was meant to be this hard either.(sigh)....KDU
