O.K. here we go again....H has just rung me from work and said he wants to speak to me about us going out on Thursday night, I said what do you mean and he said Look I will come around tonight after work and talk to you. I said Tony whatever you have to say surely can be said now and he said Well I don't want to go out Thursday night I think I have made a mistake. Your friendship is very very important to me but I don't think I feel anything else.
He then said Could he come around to talk and I said No as no amount of talking was going to make it right, I would rather just forget it from now. I asked him to explain how he could make this decision after just 5 days and he had nothing to say. I told him to just forget it as if he had no explanation then there was nothing to discuss. I said that I don't understand how when I tell him to stay away from me he can't cope but the moment he thinks he has me back he withdraws. He said he knew he was doing this and that it wasn't right and that is why he wanted to end it now.
I told him that he has been playing a very cruel game and that I deserved a better explanation seeing as how it was him that said he wanted to try with me and I was starting to make a new life for myself until he pulled me back he ended up saying sorry and hung up without me even replying.
What is he doing to me, I knew this would happen, I knew he was withdrawing again and I didn't pressure him so pressure or not makes no f***ing difference. This whole thing is such a mess, I can't stay friends with him cause right this moment I hate his miserable guts.
Am I doing everything the wrong way? Am I controlling without even knowing it. Over the past 9 months I have done so much soul searching and seeing where I can improve, taking notice of all you wonderful people and applying to myself where needed and for what, he has done nothing except keep me hanging on a thread and upsetting me whenever he feels the desire. I don't get this and I don't understand why we are so easy for them to dump on dont they realise we have feelings that this hurts us like nothing else has in our lives and if it wasn't for our kids,we just wouldn't cope. Oh god I have had enough, he has upset me again and put me back to square one and I am gonna have a real hard time forgiving his sorry @rse for this one.
Sorry guys I am just so angry and upset that I felt it was better to vent here than take it out on anyone else......Till I am calmer......KDU
