O.K. so he has rung back and still wants me to go for a drink when he finishes work. I started off by saying that I didn't think that was a good idea and he asked why not and I said b/c it will probably come back to bite me in the butt in a couple of weeks b/c you will say you felt pressured to ask me. He said why would I say that and I said b/c you told me about you seeing exOW last night and then asked me out so I thought it was b/c you were feeling guilty.
He said it was nothing like that and that he understood why I would say that considering everything in the past but that he would just like us to go out for a drink. I said I find him very confusing at the moment and he said that is b/c I am. He also said he is starting to work alot more out in his head now that he has been on his own for awhile. I ended up saying look if you want to keep talking about this we can do it tonight. He said so you will come and I said I guess so.
So whether we talk or just go for a drink we will see but I am not expecting anything I will just take it as it comes and try and be happy and outgoing and as though I dont have any thoughts in my head.
BB does this count as a date.....no I didn't think so.(sigh). Will give you all an update tomorrow and don't worry it will all probably turn to $hit in the next few days like it always does but hopefully I am a bit stronger this time.....KDU
don't worry it will all probably turn to $hit in the next few days like it always does but hopefully I am a bit stronger this time
Gosh.....we have been on these roller-coasters soooooo often that we are really expecting the downs..... I am also having the same feeling....like now, H tells me he wants to make things right, and I am like waiting.."mmmm....will he say something else like I am leaving you" or that I am waiting for his mood to be bad again. I think we've been hurt sooo much that we are always expecting the bad stuff to follow. I guessed it is kind of a "protection system" for us. Because when the bad happens, we will not feel so bad because we've already expected it to come anyway...
But hopefully the BAD doesn't come in your case...
Yoyo I know exactly what you mean..... Update.... I went out for a drink with H last night and can I say WTF...
We did some talking but not about anything real deep and meaningful we did touch on R a little, anyhow he came back for coffee and then wanted a massage, something I used to give him alot...(Yes I also knew this was his way of trying to lead to ML).
I massaged him and then he started to touch me and I stopped him and said No, that's not a good idea. He said do you want me to stop and I said tonight yes I do. He asked why and I said b/c it means something to me when I do that and I refuse to be hurt by you anymore. I feel like you could be using me for sex and then will go off finding yourself again in a few days...
H said Look I understand that you would think that after all that has happened and I don't blame you but I do want to give our R a go, I just want to take it slow at the moment. I said I wish I could truly believe you but you say things like that and it all changes a week down the track and after 9 months I don't know that I can keep doing this.
H said he understood but would I at least just keep my mind open and see what happens as he does want to try. I said look I will see what happens and take each day as it comes but I will ask you one question and then leave it alone. He said go on and I said if you are gong to see how things go with us does that mean you will not be seeing anybody else? He said of course I wont be, I just said O.K. I had to ask now I will leave it.
Anyhow I know what you are all thinking but I didn't ML. We kissed and cuddled and he went home. I was not going to be dragged into that when the past shows he could stop it all in a weeks time, so I must have learnt something from all this - restraint.....
Anyhow so that is where I am at today, I think this rollercoaster just picked up pace. So bring it on give me all your advice as I just might listen this time if I could resist H last night, maybe I can do things differently this time, I hope so.
The way I see it is I will be happy, I wont pursue he can make all the moves and we will take it at his pace for awhile and just see. I would be happy to see him once or twice a week for the moment and if that is going well, then build from there but I am going to try real hard to keep doing my own thing and to not dwell on this, I will be myself with a little tongue biting and what will be will be as he will want me for me or not at all......KDU
Advice? Honey, all I've got is utter admiration. You handled everything just right. You have been incredibly strong, intelligent and dignified. Keep going at this pace and he may work that much harder to deserve you.
I had to laugh at...
I just want to take it slow at the moment.
Hmmm... he's saying this as he's asking why you aren't putting out? Honestly...
I think you did a good job asking, Kim. Now it will be easier to tell if he's legitimately trying or if he's throwing words at you that he thinks you want to hear. Don't be scared of making progress, but sit tight for awhile and see if he can walk the walk now that he's talked the talk a bit.
I think I have to claim credit for this. There mere mention, even in cyber space, of you going on a date is bringing him stumbling back!
Stop WaitingFeel EverythingLove AchinglyGive ImpeccablyLet Go
Gee Kim, you are being tested. Glad to see you kept your cool.H is up and down like a yoyo. I do admire your attitude as you do seem to have it together about this. I think you are in for a long ride. Make sure you enjoy yourself along the way.
And yes, I am sure there will be lots of tongue biting
I am so glad for you and so full of admiration for you too!
Now this is what I would call progress... Just when you were seriously considering giving up, all your efforts pay off! Or is it because you had seriously detached, WAS realised he had to make the effort to get you back?
Glad you are still exercising restraint both in thought and action. Not sure that I would be able to...but I have a funny feeling that the more restraint you show the faster and harder H is going to get drawn in...
I am hoping your rollercoaster ride is nearing the end...
Anna - Yes when I thought about this after he left I must admit it bought a smile to my face. H says he wants to take it slow but is happy to quickly jump into bed (lol), shows they are very confused doesn't it. Although I take it as a warning to be careful.....
BB - Yes I must agree with you, your vibes about dating sent across the oceans must have hit my H right between the eyes for this drama to have done the turnaround that it has so I will give you full credit for this BB. You are right though he has talked the talk which is all well and good but the real test is will he walk the walk (sigh) time will tell I suppose....
Kismet - You say I seem to have it together - that I am not so sure of. I am trying to DB my heart out now but have learnt not to expect much this time as they have a habit of reeling us back in and then backing away again so I am very very cautious and I am sure I will be lucky if I have a tongue in the next few days as I will be biting on it that hard.
WCBeth - Thankyou for your thoughts as you are one of my DB Hero's but I will do my best to heed your advice and watch his actions before I do anything..
Wannabe - I will be treading carefully so I hope that he is drawn in by that and not away but hey I can't control him just me and as I have said before I must be very careful as he could turn away just as quick as he has headed my way.
Anyway guys fingers crossed and I am counting on all of you to keep me on the DB track and not to blow this and the risk I must take is to still be slightly detached and if he really wants this he will work at it a bit. I am not after him to completely chase me down with undying love (although how nice would that be) but just to walk the walk as BB says so we will see. I think this is the only way I can cope if this all goes belly up which unfortunately I half expect due the longevity of this sitch, 9 months is a long time and I don't know if those aliens have returned all of his brain yet, so we will see...Thanks guys....KDU
