Yoyo I know exactly what you mean..... Update.... I went out for a drink with H last night and can I say WTF...
We did some talking but not about anything real deep and meaningful we did touch on R a little, anyhow he came back for coffee and then wanted a massage, something I used to give him alot...(Yes I also knew this was his way of trying to lead to ML).
I massaged him and then he started to touch me and I stopped him and said No, that's not a good idea. He said do you want me to stop and I said tonight yes I do. He asked why and I said b/c it means something to me when I do that and I refuse to be hurt by you anymore. I feel like you could be using me for sex and then will go off finding yourself again in a few days...
H said Look I understand that you would think that after all that has happened and I don't blame you but I do want to give our R a go, I just want to take it slow at the moment. I said I wish I could truly believe you but you say things like that and it all changes a week down the track and after 9 months I don't know that I can keep doing this.
H said he understood but would I at least just keep my mind open and see what happens as he does want to try. I said look I will see what happens and take each day as it comes but I will ask you one question and then leave it alone. He said go on and I said if you are gong to see how things go with us does that mean you will not be seeing anybody else? He said of course I wont be, I just said O.K. I had to ask now I will leave it.
Anyhow I know what you are all thinking but I didn't ML. We kissed and cuddled and he went home. I was not going to be dragged into that when the past shows he could stop it all in a weeks time, so I must have learnt something from all this - restraint.....
Anyhow so that is where I am at today, I think this rollercoaster just picked up pace. So bring it on give me all your advice as I just might listen this time if I could resist H last night, maybe I can do things differently this time, I hope so.
The way I see it is I will be happy, I wont pursue he can make all the moves and we will take it at his pace for awhile and just see. I would be happy to see him once or twice a week for the moment and if that is going well, then build from there but I am going to try real hard to keep doing my own thing and to not dwell on this, I will be myself with a little tongue biting and what will be will be as he will want me for me or not at all......KDU
